A quiz

I hate quizes.

A friend mailed me this, and exerted peer pressure. So here:

1. Do you have a tattoo?

No

2. How old are you?

Older than the dirt beneath your feet.

3. Are you single or taken?

Hungry

4. Do you drive a stick or an automatic?

Cap'n! The dilithium crystals! They canna take much more!

5. Can you remember your dreams?

Every night it's the same dream and I have no idea why the squirrels invade. I really don't.

6. Do you believe in life after death?

I have prime real estate reserved in Hell, thank you very much.

7. Are you religious?

Are you kidding? I'm the head of my religion. Converts are welcome. Cash only, please.

8. Do you own a gun?

Nerf Maverick. It malfunctions a lot.

9. Blonde, brunette, or redhead?

Me or a preference?

10. Would you ever betray a friend for the right price?

Nobody has offered me the right price yet.

11. Would you commit a crime for a friend?

I plead the Fifth.

12. Would you help a friend conceal a crime?

What is this? Entrapment?

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aaand the rest of the quiz got stupider. I ran out of patience and interest.