I say, old chap

Capital!

(saw on io9 and had to link to it myself)

Temporal Sledgehammer

Tomorrow it's September.

Ninth month on the calendar.

Yep.

It's about now that many retail stores start the Xmas countdown (some have already started).

Goddamn this year is going by quickly.

Oooh... shiny

I woke up strangely alert this morning. I'm usually still half-asleep by the time I make it into the office.

Good times?

Now the soul-crushing realization that it's only Monday hits.

I weep.

R&R

This has been a family-centric weekend, for the most part. For all that, it's been quite enjoyable. I'm fortunate in that I actually enjoy spending time with my immediate family.

They entertain me. They are often entertained by me. They understand me just well enough for life to be good.

They keep me grounded (and not in a "you're not going out for a month, young man" kind of way).

Good fun.

I'm otherwise halfway through watching LoveDeath.

To say this film is messed-up doesn't quite capture the essence of how deeply off this film is. Needless to say, I love it.

the weird

Dear Internet,

Thank you very much for this morning's offering of weird. I do realize you're not to blame for the sickening news of the abominable behavior of some monsters spawned by the human race.

This morning's perusals have shown some lighter, more entertaining bits of weird:

- this guy's home/bike
- a logical progression for furries
- fancy outfits

The eccentricity and humor does act as Pepto Bismol for the soul.

Thank you for allowing these lighter examples of weird to enter my day.

Sincerely,

me

What. The. F...

Okay... first we have the Austrian psycho who keeps his daughter in a high-tech basement dungeon, rapes her, and has multiple kids by her. He even incinerates one. He may have raped his grandkids too. Oh, and he might have had poison gas ready in the vents of his evil dungeon.

Then we have that psycho in Germany who kept a girl in a secret cubby-dungeon, also for his sick jollies.

Time passes and Jaycee Dugard resurfaces, having been held by batshit-crazy Phillip Craig Garrido in a compound near Antioch. He apparently raped her and had two girls by her. There's even suspicion that Garrido may have molested them. Oh, and Garrido? Convicted rapist on parole. Apparently he has conversations with God and thinks he's founding a chuch.

What.

The.

FUCK????

I feel nauseous.

This is just... neat!

Saw this on Neatorama.

I love stuff like this. It restores a bit of wonder to the world.

The Fish Flies the Rocketship to Dingle

I've been semi-faithful about updating daily, even if it's usually utter nonsense.

Dunno why I can't think of anything to say today.

The mind. It swirls in many directions of late.

Swirly.

I weep

According to SFGate, Carey Mulligan (the actress who played Sally Sparrow on one of my more favorite "Dr Who" episodes) is possibly dating Shia LeBouf.

Bummer.

Can you believe it?

August is nearly over. Blink. Nearly gone.

Come next Tuesday, September will be here in all it's Septembery glory. Meh.

What does that mean? It means Xmas is creeping up awfully fast.

The passage of time is making me a mite twitchy. I had to finally schedule a trip I've been putting off, though that won't be 'till next year.

I probably won't do any of my hoped-for trips this year. I haven't been good about saving the cash and nothing really calls to me.

More money for local drinks, I guess.

The "Fringe" DVD set comes out next month! W00T!!!!

A Quandry of Cards

Shopping for the perfect card (especially a birthday card) is a challenge. So many thoughts go through the mind when reviewing the options:

- Is it too obnoxious?
- Is it not obnoxious enough?
- Is it too much?
- Is it not enough?
- Does it make noise?
- Is there room to write in it?
- Is it too specific?
- Is it the right kind of card? (... having once bought a sympathy card by accident for a birthday...)

It's a harder process than one might expect!

Especially if you're still hearing a strange song in your head.

Whee!

(This is supposed to be an embedded movie trailer for Assault Girls. It's not cooperating.)

Oh that was a bad idea

A friend from work brought candy from his trip to Brazil. I got a small ziplock with maybe a half-dozen candies of various types.

I nibbled on one or two yesterday, then put the bag away.

This morning I gobbled down the rest.

Sugar... making... eyes... spin...

I feel like have ants under my skin along my skull.

The color orange is shouting at me.

Why does it smell like television?

Oh look! My pen is running away. Come back, little ink-filled thing! Come back! I won't hurt you! You're running towards the cyborg moose!

I must stop them. The ducks will be unhappy.

gwah...

...ugh. morning. hard to wake up.

bike ride. tired.

bleah

want to put face down on keyboard and jusGASWEHPOIWHGPAOH;HEGRS.NGJKNVNFG.NAVHATGYPHGNL BB,.B

Soundtrax

Despite my oath to boycott anything related to "Battlestar Galactica" for the end of time, I have found myself sufficiently-intrigued that I got the fourth BSG soundtrack over the weekend.

Now I have their version of "The Watchtower" going through my head.

That song's meme power is worse than the swine flu in terms of infection.

I got the "District 9" soundtrack as well. Quite enjoyable.

Me likey the nerd music.

Spree

I hit Japantown in San Francisco on Saturday, mostly on a whim, to see what I could find for entertainment.

I wound up returning home with a full stomach after a tasty lunch and carrying a couple of DVDs.

One was of a random... um... I'm not sure what it's about, really.

It's a period piece starring a couple of actors I recognize. Apparently their con-artists of some sort. The story seemed intriguing and I'm not regretting the purchase.

The other movie was Kitamura Ryuhei's LoveDeath. That's going to be pure gold.

Kitamura is the mastermind behind some of my favorite movies from Japan:

- Godzilla: Final Wars
- Azumi
- Aragami
- Versus
- The Messenger
- Longinus

and others. I'm intrigued by his animated offering, Baton. I want to see it.

Kitamura's stuff is quite stylized, crazed, often gorey, and over-the-top. It's a mix I quite enjoy. I'm sure LoveDeath will be the kind of crazy sh*t I've come to expect from him.

NONONOBAD!!!!

It burns the mind! IT BURNS THE MIND!!!

And so I share...

Torchwood

I finished watching "Torchwood: Children of Earth".

Wow. That really went to a dark, dark place.

I haven't seen a show that f***ed up in a long, long time.

This was Battle Royale f***ed up.

Really, really good but... damn.

Alien Humanity

I just saw District 9.

Utterly brilliant. Amazing. Shocking.

I'm afraid this movie bumps Star Trek out of my favorite slot for 2009. Sorry J.J.

By not-so-strange coincidence, I'm also halfway through "Torchwood: Children of Earth".

In the interests of full disclosure, I watch "Torchwood" out of misguided loyalty to "Dr. Who". Season one of "Torchwood" was pretty much infantile crap. I couldn't get through the first two episodes of season two (though I should give it a chance).

"Children of Earth" is utterly fantastic. Gives me hope for the franchise and for science fiction as a whole.

Both offerings have very common themes about humanity and aliens. That's pretty much all I'll say, save to recommend both.

The Farce is strong in these

Erik sent me this bit of brilliance.

While enjoying the comments (after laughing hysterically at Scalzi's accurate and hysterical observations), I saw this listed among the various reactions.

I didn't think it could get funnier. I was wrong. There is no ceiling.

It adds up!

It's pretty surreal when I get a math joke.

Night of Knives

A friend loaned me Ian Esselmont's "Knight of Knives", a freshman novel by the co-creator of the Malazan universe popularized by Stephen Erikson's various, uber-thick novels.

I finished it yesterday.

I'm weighing my reactions. One the one hand, it was an excellent freshman novel in that the plot moved along and the pacing was good.

On the other hand, the plot seemed kind of pointless.

The story is set prior to Erikson's Malazan novels and deals with the fate of a series of pivotal characters. Unfortunately, these pivotal characters are in the background of the story. The novel is seen through the eyes of two characters: a retired soldier and an inexperienced thief/spy. Neither character particularly interested me, especially the thief/spy. Their tales had practically no character development and their actions seemed empty.

I enjoy the Malazan novels for what they are: brain candy. Erikson's books at least had a bit more character development in them, albeit in his later novels.

I'm probably being too harsh on Esselmont, though. As a freshman novel, it really was pretty solid. I did like his different "voice" for the Malazan world. The one thing I enjoyed about his thief/spy character is that she was a break from female archtypes that Erikson uses.

It's painfully obvious with both men that they're writing about a world they created for a role-playing game, but I don't consider that a bad thing.

Well now

'Tis a lovely feeling to awake refreshed and alert. Add to that the exquisite joy of knowing it is Friday and the feelings become practically euphoric.

Pile on some more awesome: I didn't imagine finding my iPod. It was a real event.

That's a lot of good times.

The questions for my weekend become:

- when will I see District 9?
- how late will I sleep in tomorrow?
- can I watch all the shows I have in my queue?

Life doesn't suck.

X-Man Resume

If I had a mutant superpower (aside from abysmally-bad timing), it would be the ability to break sunglasses.

It's astounding how many I can go through in a short period of time.

I must own twenty at any one time. I have them squirreled away in all sorts of places for when one breaks.

Oh, and the ones that do? Those are the ones that fit well and afford good peripheral vision. The crap ones? Those survive a little longer.

Interestingly-enough, my actually glasses (when I wear them) have survived hell and high water. My mutant powers apparently only apply to sunglasses.

Handy to have focus, I guess.

Reunited

Oh iPod, my love...

Let us never be parted again.

I apologize for my inattention that somehow resulted in you residing under my car seat.

Forgive me.

Venture Brothers

Ain't it cool news has a link to the trailer for season 4.

It almost makes up for my lack of an iPod this morning.

Almost.

Sigh

It's not in the office.

Must be in my car.

Hopefully it's still in my car.

Oh, iPod... how I miss you.

Horror

It's that sinking feeling at first.

You throw open your bag and sort through your stuff. Time to charge the iPod.

It's gone.

Panic follows.

Where did you see it last?

Work. You're pretty sure you put it in the bag.

Okay, then what followed?

Got in the car. Drove. Dropped the car at the mechanic.

Did you open the bag?

Yes. Put the stereo faceplate away. Sealed the bag. Went in and dropped off the keys.

Did you open the bag again?

No.

Then?

Train. Never opened the bag on the train. After that it was home and you discovered the iPod is not, in fact, in the bag.

So... likely scenarios are:

- it's at work

- it's lying about in your car

You hope nobody visits your cube at work and gets sticky fingers. It's unlikely. They're pretty good there.

You hope your mechanic doesn't see it and decide to pocket it. Also unlikely. You've picked them 'cause they're pretty solid.

You exhale slowly and calm yourself.

Barely.

Language

It's all about the words.

"Shatter resistant" is not the same as "shatter proof".

So when you drop your 20th pair of sunglasses on the ground for the 80th time, you should not be too terribly shocked to find the frame may have broken.

No, I'm not bitter.

Not at all.

Plans and Permutations

I'm hoping this pending car service won't be rife with complications like my last one.

That wasn't fun.

I'm really hoping to put off a new car purchase until 2010.

I'm seriously thinking of rousing myself out the door Friday or Saturday to check out District 9. I've been intrigued by this movie since I first heard about it.

An intelligently-written science fiction movie? It boggles the mind.

As a long-time reader of Sluggy Freelance, I find myself giddy with the recent plot twists and developments. Giddy. I am tempted to "squee", save that doing so may hurt my voice. I already have a scratchy throat (either from a pending bug or allergens or both).

Can I possibly say how happy I am that the BART strike is not an issue at this juncture?

I'm pretty happy.

I hate traffic.

Says it all

A Day in the Life of Joe Middle-Class Republican.

This pretty much sums it all up.

There's a recital of that here:

Mumble, mumble...

There's nothing quite like the feel of a Tuesday morning. Waking up out of a very sound sleep and realizing you have to get your lazy arse out of bed, fed and dressed, then trudge into work and parse out what's next on the plate.

Bleah.

Answering an age old question

Enterprise vs. Death Star.

Booya!

Wow

Just... wow.

It's nice to know that there's people out there who can out-geek me in ways I had not even begun to consider.

Today's Awesome

Lifted from rpg.net. The cited source.

I say, old chap...

Today's Questionable Content is my personal favorite of the obscene number of webcomics I read in a day.

I wonder if I'd actually consider getting my Victorian on if I had a bar locally that did that?

Warm Temps and Sunny Skies

I don't think it's a "drinking problem" when you manage to find excuses it imbibe strong drinks pretty much all weekend long.

What? Why are you looking at me like that?

Oh... right. You did't actually voice that criticism out loud, did you?

Huh.

So... nice weather, huh?

Mmm... yearh

A little Forbidden Island takes the edge off of the day.

Life is good.

Freaky trailer

Erik mentioned this to me. I took a break from what I was working on to review this (since I'm waiting for someone to get back to me about something).

Jeez.

Made me jump.

And now Sarah Palin makes perfect sense.

Damnit.

The Genius of Japan

The Shoulder Umbrella (run this site through a translation program if you don't believe me).

I tell ya, Japan may spawn some uber-weirdness, but they do create some of the most awesome stuff.

SCIENCE!!!

Today's quotes of the day:

"Just like real cows! Only with lasers."

"It'd be easier to just kill him and then revive him!" "ooOOOooh..."

"I was talking to the computer."

I KNEW IT!

(lifted from RPG.net's forums)

This is not sweet news

Mother Jones has an article indicating that corn syrup (you know... that sweet stuff that's in EVERY FREAKIN' FOOD OUT THERE IN THE U.S.) may be contaminated with mercury.

Yep. Mercury.

That highly-toxic metal that can really F*CK YOU UP!

That stuff.

Great.

Aesthetics

Some things I like:

- office bake sale
- fog over San Francisco... blowing blessed cool air in my direction
- Thursdays that are half-over with Fridays coming oh-so-soon
- 40% off coupons
- my iPod working

BEST. IDEA. EVER!

Found on Geekologie

Whomever came up with this idea found a way to make even the prequels palatable.

The Perfect T-Shirt

... for your enemies to wear.



Purchase link

Spotted on Nerd Approved

I'm buying a t-shirt for each person in the ninja clan that has sworn blood-oath against me.

And maybe one or two people in my gaming group.

Background Processing

As more time passes from the weekend, I am more and more convinced I utterly blew my test.

I've been dwelling on it since Sunday, which is kind of odd for me.

Oh, I realize I'm utterly and completely obsessive, but I usually am okay with letting stuff go after tests of any kind.

I'm having trouble letting this one go.

I'm thinking about it at odd points and remembering things I really didn't do well. And it's silly, of course. It's done. Nothing to do about it now but wait for results (sometime next month, I believe).

Thank goodness I'm easily... OOOOOH!!!! SHINY THING!!!

What was I saying?

Must Reads

I've got a few beliefs that I feel pretty strongly about.

I believe that there are certain rights that everyone is entitled to.

I believe discourse and a dissent are important to a healthy society.

I believe we - as a society - should keep a skeptical eye on our leaders at all time.

I believe we - as a society - have failed to keep our leaders in check and that abuses of power are taking place that we should be preventing.

I could go on, but this isn't why I'm on the soapbox. There are certain books that I feel everyone should read:

* "It Can't Happen Here by Sinclair Lewis

* "1984" by George Orwell

* "Animal Farm", also by George Orwell

I'm adding "Little Brother" by Cory Doctorow to that list.

In a world of ESCHELON, Carnivore, torture, surveillance and wiretapping,the PATRIOT act, and detention without trial, these books become very germane to current events.

It all makes sense now

I think Real Life Comics has managed to figure out Disney.

I need a drink.

Little Brother

A novel by Corey Doctorow, and available for free download, it's a thing of utter genius.

Everyone should read this book.

And more "wow"

A friend forwarded this to me.

I won't repeat the snarky comment he attached with the link. I'd hate for this gal to come after either of us.

Wow

It's like he knows me... except I never spoke French.

(xkcd)

AAAAHHHH!!!!

Lifted from RPG.net (no idea of the original source).

What's worse is that they link to a movie.

The wrongness achieves epic levels.

If you don't understand this comic, be grateful. Be very, very grateful.

I'll be huddling under my desk now.

The rule of good movies

This movie makes me so excited!

NINJAS!

I'll probably appreciate (or even like) a movie if it has any of the following in it:

- explosions
- gunfights
- ninjas
- swordfights
- ninjas
- pirates
- ninjas
- spaceships
- lasers
- spaceships firing lasers
- ninjas
- ninjas using lasers aboard spaceships

Okay, this list got away from me a bit.

Essentially, I like my action movies a lot. I do require a reasonably solid plot and some attempt at acting before I'll step up and call the movie good.

And there are movies with these elements that I don't like... RobotJox is leading the pack of those. It's still on my top five list of worst movies I've ever seen.

But I digress.

So, Ninja Assassin is totally on my "must see" list.

It helps that J. Michael Straczynski is credited as writing (or co-writing) the screenplay for this. If JMS touched it, it's a fair bet it's going to be good (let's move away from the mediocre Babylon-5: The Lost Tales - Voices in the Dark and the awful "Babylon 5: The Legend of the Rangers: To Live and Die in Starlight"... everyone has off-days).

Can't wait.

Air to spare?

Today's a "Spare the Air" day in the Bay Area.

Given how my allergies have gone into overdrive, I'm not too shocked. Something's set me off rather badly.

Bleah.

So sleepy...

Aaaah...

Forbidden Island in Alameda is a holy place.

When I found my religion... just before my hordes conquer the Earth blindly in my name... I'm naming Forbidden Island my Mecca.

I enjoyed a couple of mai tais there and watched some Gilligan's Island reruns. Good clean fun there.

I couldn't con anyone into accompanying me (probably 'cause I decided to do this last minute). Oddly enough, I ran into a co-worker there. It was amusing.

And the drinks were superb.

I LIVE!

I survived the test, much to my surprise.

I'll be surprised if I passed. I've done much better with the material in the past, but then I've done much worse, so who am I to say?

I made my test partner look good, though he was already pretty solid with his techniques.

All-in-all, it was good times. I'm glad I went through it.

Alas, I won't find out the results for a few weeks, but that's fine.

Now for some drinks...

Tick-tock-tick...

The game yesterday went well.

Oddly enough, I attribute all of it to some advice I got Friday.

That's probably why I'm not really stressed about my test later today. It's all about perspective.

I have no idea why I suffer from test anxiety (or really general anxiety or paranoia or... well, why go there?). I just do.

It's all good now. I'm as ready as I can be. Nothing hurts more than the normal.

I had a relaxing full night's sleep. My apartment is pretty much cleaned-up after yesterday's nerdfest.

And there's still two Newcastle's left in my 'fridge. Thanks Erik!

Ow

So our class tonight was slightly pre-empted by an out-of-town group doing their thing.

And they were amazing, but that's another story.

We finally got mat time, but my partner for the test had since left to deal with errands.

So I got to work with a black belt.

I learned that I have a lot of stuff I really need to work on... which is sad, given that I have no time left before the test.

I also got kicked in the wrist and thrown multiple times... with air falls.

Air falls means you're briefly airborne.

Yeah.

Good times.

So... to summarize: PAIN

Good Times

My Friday has been surprisingly productive.

I took the day off to take care of a dozen or so personal matters. In-between loads of laundry, I watched part of the DVD set of "Dollhouse" (yes, I got it). I decided to start with the unaired "Epitaph One". This episode covers a post-apocalyptic future of 2019 where the Dollhouse's technology has run amok.

In a word: brilliant.

This episode was so much better than the rest of the show altogether that I was beside myself with glee.

Then my friend 3 texted me to meet her and another friend of mine for lunch.

So it's been pretty much nothing but awesome today.

I've just finished a tapioca milk tea, though. Milk + me = bad.

Oh well. Worth it.

'Scuse me now...

Not quite

"Haunting, cerebral, and gorgeous"

These are the words attributed to Time for a description of Joss Whedon's "Dollhouse".

That's what it says on the cover of the DVD set, anyway.

If "Dollhouse" is Time's definition of "cerebral", then the U.S. is in worse trouble than I thought.

It's most-certainly gorgeous. It has some haunting parts. In some cases, it's haunting in a good way. In some cases, it haunts you 'cause it's that bad.

Cerebral? There are moments when the show is thought-provoking.

I think "Friends" could claim the same... maybe.

That provided me with a good chuckle for a few minutes today.

Speechless

Sometimes a friend sends me something that just boggles the mind too much for me to form a coherent reaction.

Coherency is overrated.

Well there's a smell...

While walking to get something from the local service station, a waft of a powerful, sickly-sweet odor hit me like a bus.

Yeah. Someone was enjoying a little "herbal refreshment".

That's right, sports fans. Someone was lighting a doobie in the area.

A lot of it, too. There's a breeze today and that smell was strong.

Nobody in line-of-sight, so I have to admit I'm wondering where the party is at.

Not for my own purposes, mind you. That kind of recreation would likely not mix well with my job duties, but my curiosity demands satisfaction.

Plus the smell made my headache go away for a few minutes.

um?

I am loathe to make value judgements when I may not understand all the cultural ramifications of a tradition in another country.

That said, this is REALLY FUCKED UP.

IMHO.

So clearly I lied. I'm comfortable making the value judgements.

It's a strange, interesting world

Salon has this fascinating article that's a book review on the Cahokia.

Never heard of them? I certainly had not until now.

I had no idea whatsoever that there was once a huge (relatively-speaking) city along the Mississippi about 600 years ago.

Can't say I'm all that keen on their idea of burying women alive.

Still, it's interesting that the people who lived in what is the modern-day central United States long before Europeans made their way across the ocean managed to create a large city and apparently a spanning empire. It's not really surprising, but given all the emphasis on the Incas, Aztecs, and Mayans in the history of the Americas, there's never been much emphasis in what folks north of modern-day Mexico were up to.

It keeps the world interesting.

Tiresome

I'm ready for these allergies to end now. It's August. Allergies aren't supposed to be happening now.

Though, in all fairness, I'm supposed to be whining about the heat now and it's really quite pleasant in terms of temperature.

All the same, the allergies are here and I'm ready for them to go away.

Damn Skippy

I'd have to agree.

Full Frontal Nerdity

Hyperactive Brain, Exhausted Shell

Not as catchy as "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon".

After a good three hours of practice last night I think I'm more-or-less okay for my test.

This assumes a number of things:

- I remember what I practiced
- I don't freeze up or have a brain fart at the test
- An asteroid doesn't hit my apartment while I sleep
- Aliens don't abduct me
- Ninjas don't overwhelm me
- Etc.

In true test anxiety, my brain is constantly replaying the moves in my head. This is making it very hard for me to sleep and making my dreams really weird.

It's times like this when I really don't miss school.

The weather report claims there's a chance of showers today.

A 20% chance of rain in August.

Yeah.

I got nuthin'.

Mmmm

I love days like today.

The sun is in the sky, but the sky is dotted with puffy clouds, like bits of cotton stuck against a blue palette.

There's a bit of an ocean breeze in the air that keeps it from getting unbearably hot.

Yet it's warm enough that summer-dresses seem to be making an appearance.

Life doesn't suck.

Fallout

So there's an interesting backlash to the Clinton trip to free Euna Lee and Laura Ling from North Korea's tender mercies.

John Bolton, the charming Bush-era U.N. ambassador called this "perilously close to negotiating with terrorists", apparently.

Politically there appears to be a great deal of concern that this gave credibility and status to Kim Il Jong.

Bolton's jackassery aside, some of the critics may have valid points, but I guess it's too soon to tell.

Frankly, if people are all that up-in-arms over North Korea getting attention, maybe more should have been done to stop them getting nukes? Just seems like it's a little late in the game to be worrying about giving them attention. They're already doing an impressive job of getting attention to themselves.

So it goes back to Lee and Ling. From what I've been able to figure out from the news coverage on their capture, they were near the North Korea-China border and got snagged. Like the three Americans recently grabbed along the Iran-Iraq border, they may not have even known they'd crossed the border... assuming they did. It's not too much of a stretch to imagine North Korean soldiers crossing the border to grab Lee, Ling, their cameraman, and their guide (the latter two managed to escape capture by the North Koreans).

It seems pretty obvious that Lee and Ling were being used as political tools to get attention. Tools with a limited shelf-life as both had medical problems and probably would not have done well in a North Korean labor camp.

I, for one, am happy their story seems to have had a happy resolution. It must be a huge relief for them and their families. I hope the three Americans held in Iran get a similar happy ending.

I'd also like North Korea to get de-nuked and learn to play nice with the other kids.

And, since I'm listing out my wishes, I'd like a couple million dollars, tax-free.

Hey, can't hurt to mention it.

Pocketses!

Because I'm weak-willed, I got a pair of the Duluth Men's Fire Hose Work Pants last week.

Um. They're made from that fire hose material. Just to be clear.

Anyways, like the Duluth clothes I've been going crazy over, they're loaded with pockets.

I do like my pockets. All the better to load with balast.

And they're surprisingly comfy.

I want to buy more, but I am going to show some self-restraint now.

Wonder how long this will last?

Oooh

A full moon peeked through the clouds as I drove in this morning.

That would explain some of the crazy lately... if, you know, that actually meant anything.

I pulled into my office parking lot and turned off my car. A police cruiser sudden roared into my lot and was out of my view.

I was wondering what's up. I got out, shouldering my bag and my gym bag. I looked at an isolated part of the lot. Two police cruisers were sitting side-by side in a police date thing. Huh.

Oh well. Good to know. Keeps the lot safe, I guess.

The news had an article this morning about the latest meme-poster going around. I guess someone gave the Ledger-Joker treatment to an Obama poster. Instead of "Why so Serious", the meme is "Why socialism" or some similar nonsense.

As far as memes go, it's pretty effective. It's annoying me 'cause of that whole bullshit about socialism. C'mon, lardbutt dittoheads! Socialism? Really? You meth-added dorks haven't a clue, have you? Obama's pretty centrist. He's been going out-of-his-way to include Repugnicans in the mix. I mean, if regulating and lending government assistance is "socialism", I guess you guys will stop using those federally-funded highways and visiting those federally-funded state parks and...

Bah.

Oh, end rant. Good lord. It's too early to be babbing on about politics.

It's not too early to be considering extra coffee, though...

Hours of Crazy

I raced home from the office like a madman in hopes of intercepting UPS before their scheduled delivery of the item I was expecting.

It was a pointless exercise, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

I got home and one of my friends called to invite me over to dinner at his place. His wife was cooking some kind of spicy dish that sounded like pure awesome.

Hopeful that UPS would arrive at a reasonable hour, I tentatively agreed. I started doing some maintenance on my laptop and updating some stuff on my desktop.

Another friend called me re: that same dinner with an offer to give me a ride. Knowing I'm hostage to UPS's schedule before I can even leave my apartment to conduct the balance of my errands, I turned down the offer for a lift and went back to my impatient waiting.

I hate waiting.

I started doing stuff around the apartment. Got another call from a friend checking on status.

A little harried and between tasks, I think I was a bit short with her as I explained I'm still waiting on UPS. Okie-dokie. Hopefully we'll all meet at 7 for dinner.

I'm getting this sinking suspicion that UPS isn't going to be cooperating.

Every time I hear a truck through the window on my busy street, I'm out the door, to the front of the building, and looking for UPS like a dog looking for the next meal.

Nada.

Ran into a neighbor. She's also waiting and she's juggling kid-obligations. I offer to sign for her package. I'm not going anywhere.

All this time, my allergies are kicking me up one side and down the other. Dunno what it is about today, but it's a bad day for the allergies for me and many of my co-workers.

Tick-tock-tick-tock.

I finally call my buddy and say I'm not making it to dinner. I'm too harried over goddamn UPS and I don't say it, but my allergies are making me feel kind of light-headed and sleepy.

This is my only free evening for the week, so I'm already iffy on doing anything... and I'm still waiting on UPS.

It's close to 6:30 when the truck pulls up. I practically mug the driver. I sign for my package and he lets me sign for my neighbor's. Good times. I check the package contents. All are well. Life is good.

Out the door I dash. I get a card I need for a special occasion later this week. I couldn't find one at the now-craptacular Borders near me that was worth a sh*t, so I had to do local shopping near my place.

Okay, got that. Groceries now. A quick dash through the store. Got the basics. I'm up the steps to my apartment when I realize I forgot some things.

Sh*t.

I put away what I have and I'm out the door again for what I forgot. This time I have to hit a different store.

I find everything I need. I get in the self-check line. For a change, there's four operational self-check stations. They've all got morons who can't figure out how to ring up their own goddamn groceries... or so I think at the moment.

I finally get up to a station. I ring up all my stuff like a madman. The damn station freezes and thinks I've got unexpected items. I look around for a clerk to fix this goddamn thing.

Of course there's nobody around to help.

I'm not a patient fellow under the best of circumstances. At this point, my allergies are giving me a headache, I'm feeling harried, and I'm tired.

Not the best of circumstances.

Finally someone appears. They press a button. Damn station starts working again. A quick press of buttons and my money gets processed. I've got my damn stuff and I'm out the door.

The time? A little after 7.

With my options in front of me, I'm doing exactly what's best. I'm going to bed. Bleah.

SWEET!

North Korea: 2 US journalists pardoned

Bill, I dunno what you said, but great job!

For the Urban Ninja

There's something oddly appealing about the Crawford Hiking-Survival Staff as a concept.

It's what Robinson Crusoe would have if he were James Bond.

It's a:

- walking staff
- walking stick
- baton
- blowgun
- spear
- knife

Not all at the same time, of course.

It even comes with extra blowgun darts.

I like that the blade is long enough for dealing with zombies. I assume you could take off a zombie's head or limbs, if necessary.

I'd totally wind up taking off my own foot trying, but in a zombie apocalypse, it's adapt or become a zombie.

Two hundred and sixty bucks (before sales tax) is a bit of an "ouch". Maybe if I win the Lottery?

Screw it. I could just get the Riot Spear and go with that, if I win the Lotto.

The Great Eye is Watching

The forecast this morning claimed it would be cool today.

I'm calling shenanigans.

There's no clouds overhead and the dayball is igniting vampires everywhere.

On the plus side, it's easier to spot the zombies as they're shuffling about.

Need to gas up the ol' chainsaw now and play with the E'ville Dead.

Aaaah

My September time-off is all lined-up.

Something to look forward to.

The Fairer Sex and Gravity Lessons

Anyone who looks upon women as delicate and frail flowers in need of protection should really take a month or so of martial arts classes.

Doesn't matter what kind.

Case in point: a demonstration in throws. (Individual experiences may vary)

Big strong guy stands, vaguely smug in the knowledge that he outweighs the lady by a good... oh... sixty or seventy pounds.

The young lady grabs the arm and the lapel. There's pulling motion. The guy is on his toes. As this is happening, the lady spins and closes the gap. Her shoulder is pretty much set right into his. Her hip is just below his belt (keep the thoughts clean here). Her knees are bent. He's still off-balance and moving forward. She's straightening her legs.

He's thinking "Oh hey, I'm going forward."

She's twisting and pulling.

He's thinking "Oh hey, I can fly. F*ck you, gravity!"

Gravity responds.

He meets the floor. The parts of his body that connect with the mat no longer send signals to his brain that they exist. That's gonna last a second or two, then the nerve endings are going to transmit those pain signals.

He's thinking "How did I get here? Oh hey, she's got my arm. That's nice. It lessened the fall a bit. Wait? I fell? What's she doing with my arrrrGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!"

His arm, now at a somewhat unnatural angle, is transmitting pain signals that are drowning out the pain signals from the parts of his body that have been rudely introduced to the ground.

He's got a couple of choices at this juncture. He can:

A) Scream like a baby.

B) Tap the mat with a free limb that still works.

He goes with 'B'.

There's time for him to try to return the favor to her. It's not as graceful nor are his moves as effective. Overall it works, but it's clear who is better at this.

Lesson learned.

Schroedinger's Monkey

Sounds vaguely naughty, doesn't it?

I finished off the last of the soon-to-expire egg-beater stuff in a batch of cookies last night. I dimly recall promising one of my neighbors cookies before she jaunts off to college to get all learned and stuff.

I heard a commotion across the hall, so I handed off cookies.

I guess the neighbors are getting a roommate while the daughter is off in school?

I should've made more cookies.

Tomorrow's gonna be a tough day. If all goes poorly, I'll have an afternoon meeting then a looooooooong few hours of class in prep for the test. I'm not even sure when I'll be fitting dinner into the mix.

Good times.

I'm reminded of that Gaiman line from "NeverWhere" in which Richard Mayhew reflects on how events are cowards and never come at a person one-on-one but rather like to hit in gangs.

On the topic of gangs, I see that there's some random crazy f*cker shooting people in the wee hours of the morning. This time it's near the relatively-safe community of Albany.

Another excuse to avoid bicycling in the morning. If Albany is having problems, early-morning Berkeley/Oakland is just gonna suck.

Maybe I should try to buy a bulletproof backpack again?

What the f*ck kind of world do we live in where there's a market for bulletproof backpacks? Why do we live in a world where anyone would even need a bulletproof backpack?

I'm sure the NRA has an answer.

Harpin'

So very cool.

The byrd 8Tool Harp by Spyderco.

And now it's mine.

'Cause I need more stuff. As it stands now, if I were dropped in the ocean, there's a slim chance I'd still float.

Spiked water?

Well this has been a goddamn weird day.

It's been a good one, but weird.

A good dozen people I regularly converse with have been acting really out-of-character odd. I wonder if there's something in the water?

Is it a full moon?

And apparently I have a new neighbor... or one of my neighbors got a roommate. Or... um... I honestly dunno what's up.

The two things I ordered today shipped. Today.

Neat, but unusual.

Seems like I'm on-track for Sunday's test. Multiple black belts did pleasant corrections to my attempts to do things that I can't do very well. Nobody said "hm... you know... you might want to sit this one out." That's usually a good sign.

I need to figure out why some people found my last batch of brownies to taste funny.

Anticipation of that nervous breakdown

It's going to be a crazy, crazy week. I can tell that already.

I have a semi-major family obligation during the week, then a game I'm completely unprepared for on Saturday, then a test on Sunday that I'm also not exactly prepared for.

I'm really hoping I can hit all my classes this week to iron out the wrinkles with my test-partner.

I'm really, really hoping I don't blow out my leg again.

If I can make it through to next week, I can shift into a slightly lower-gear of psycho-crazy as I anticipate a friend's birthday celebration that will likely destroy several of my internal organs as well as another family obligation that will prove to be surreal at best.

And then there's even more birthdays to deal with as the month comes to a close.

And then September will be here.

I'm not ready for September to be here.

I'm not ready for September to be this close to being here.

Deadlines and other things will line up to beat me like a gang of drunken soccer hooligans.

I don't like pain!

Odd, given my hobbies...

Hey, it's August!

Stress dreams. I have no freakin' idea why I'm having them.

I dreamt I was ineffectually dodging meetings.

Why? I dunno. I haven't particularly been trying hard to dodge meetings in real life. I don't really have all that many to worry about.

Freakin' weird.

---

There's few things funnier and more disconcerting in the morning than stopping for a yellow light and then spotting the nice police officer stopped at the intersection. Instinctively giving said officer a big, toothy grin may not be the smartest thing to do in the morning, but it's got an amusement factor going for it.

---

How the hell did August manage to sneak up so fast? Seriously... it's like a ninja month or something.

---

Egg beaters (those egg substitute things) are great for baking save for one little problem: when you open the container, you have about a week and change before it's supposed to go bad.

So you're supposed to use the damn thing up in that time.

I only use eggs for one purpose: baking.

So... I've been baking.

I've been baking a lot.

I can't be eating all this stuff. It's good, but it's too much sugar and fat.

Gwah.

I'm glad I have a dumping gr...um... office.

---

I'm pretty much sold on the idea that my extended Lord of the Rings DVD set is one of those things I cannot do without. When all else fails for viewing pleasure, few things satisfy like massive orc carnage.

the blahs

I hate getting 'em.

I watch a movie for a few minutes, then decide it isn't what I want and turn it off.

I channel surf. Nothing good is on.

I web surf. Meh.

I pick up a book. Nothing really grabs me.

I consider grabbing my jacket and hitting a bar. Nah. Not really craving a drink. Not really interested in being somewhere with people.

I could work on my gaming stuff. Nah. I'm completely burned-out on that. I have no idea what I'm going to do on that front next week.

My stories don't hold any interest, so I can't really write anything to add to them.

It's a Saturday night and I've got the blahs. That just sucks.

A random afternoon

With the Emeryville Scharffenberger chocolate factory (and store) closed, it's difficult to get ahold of their 99% cacao baking chocolate bars.

With that in mind, my quest this morning was a simple one: head to San Francisco and see if their outlet store still existed in the Ferry Building.

It did.

I quested out then to another store for a bit of something I really don't need. Thankfully for my wallet, said item was out of stock.

I craved beer. Oh, and lunch.

A quick call later, and I had lunch plans with my friend Steve. We settled on the 21st Amendment, a charming brewpub on 2nd Avenue, south of Market.

From past experience, I figured after I was about 2/3rds into my first pint that Steve may have meant the San Francisco Brewing Company. A quick call later confirmed that was indeed the case. We opted to go with 21st Amendment and he meandered by for lunch.

Their beer is not for the meek.

Just sayin'

By the end of that lunch, we had settled out how to help a friend celebrate a very belated 40th in proper debauched style and how to incorporate celebrations for our own pending birthdays.

Over strong beers, mind you.

We parted ways somewhere along the Embarcadro and I decided to spend some money on something I'd been considering prior to lunch.

BART home was devoid of the smelly, crazy people I encountered on the ride in. I'm grateful for the break. Sitting next to one hygienically-challenged freak is enough for my week.

I got about a block from home when I hurried across an intersection and stepped funny on a curb... with my bad leg.

Ow.

So I've managed to blow out my leg again. Good times. I'm hoping the patches will help this time.

Ow.