Mmmm

Gorgeous morning. It's going to be a delightful spring day. I'm not really one for sunshine and warm weather, but I have to say it's a welcome break from the rain.

I just wish my allergies would calm the hell down.

Looks like I need to focus more attention on getting my bike fixed for riding. There's always something... *sigh*

Pondering Icons

I'll be honest. I couldn't work up enough interest to give half a shit about the upcoming "reboot" of "Wonder Woman".

I'm done with the super hero crap, for the most part. Adrienne Palicki will probably be fine in the role. Given she's going to be compared with the camp-tastic Lynda Carter series, I doubt Palicki will be judged severely on any acting merits.

That said, I'm really enjoying the fan outrage over her costume. First the complaint was that she looked like a hooker. Now I guess the costume is subtly different.

Either way, I'm amused by the fan reactions. Did anyone watch the old Lynda Carter show? Hell, has anyone read a comic book in the last... oh... thirty years?

I would love for someone to point out five mainstream superheroines who don't look like a 13-year-old boy's mastubatory fantasy.

Wonder Woman? Batgirl? Black Canary? She-Hulk? Black Widow?

Keep trying and good luck with that.

AAAAH!!!

CANNOT WAAAAAAIT!!!!

ow

Sometimes the Internet just breaks something vital in my grey matter.

Today, the aptly-named WTF Japan, Seriously? site managed that with the milk video they found.

1) Honestly, I should have known better than to click on the link. I mean, it's the WTF Japan, Seriously? site. This person finds some of the most bizarre stuff from a nation that defines bizarre.

2) Once I saw it was anime, I should have suspected where it was going. It lacked a clear NSFW link, so I figured it wasn't going to be bad.

3) Ow. Brain tried to claw its way out of the back of my skull. Ow.

I've seen worse from Japan (and elsewhere) but for some reason, this particular entry just hurts the brain.

Now I feel I understand the reaction from my good friend Erik when I subjected him to the live-action Cutey Honey movie.

By all the gods of beer, Erik, I am so sorry.

Hm. Beer...

Maaaaaybe...

I like this trailer, but I'm very dubious about any kind of alien invasion tv show at this point.

BADWRONGBAD

Religion of Spirits

Ten gods of beer

Beer Church

(via my friend V)

OMG I give up

The Daily Show
Tags: Daily Show Full Episodes,Political Humor & Satire Blog,The Daily Show on Facebook

It's enough to drive a person insane.

Finding Spirituality

I'm not a terribly-religious person, save for a healthy respect I've got for the Great Old Ones and the Flying Spaghetti Monster (ARR!).

After reading io9's mystery archeology article I think I've found a deity to worship.

Yeah, that's right. I'm talking about the Sumerian Goddess Ninkasi, Goddess of Beer.

I notice there's places of worship already established for her.

I'm disappointed and a tad ashamed it's taken me this long to discover her.

I'm thinking of renaming my Stein of Science to "the sacred vessel of Ninkasi" or something along those lines.

I'm allegedly a writer. I can probably come up with something that sounds okay.

More Punching

I'm hearing an equal amount of "like" vs "hate" regarding SuckerPunch.

Yes, "like". Not a lot of "love".

Erik found this as one of the better commentaries. The author's comment under the comic was especially good.

I go back and forth on the movie. I enjoyed it as fluffy entertainment. There were times I felt like I was looking into Zack Snyder's psyche and feeling icky, but usually I was dazzled by batshit-crazy fight scenes.

Words cannot do this justice

I may as well re-post this here. I've seen it on four sites now.



Scary.
As.
Hell.

Entertainment

The FX insanity of SuckerPunch wasn't my only movie entertainment this weekend. It was just the most expensive bit.

I killed a few hours on Sunday watching one of two DVDs I picked up: Detective Dee and the Mysetery of the Phantom Flame (aka Di Renjie).

The other movie, Ip Man crapped out in my DVD player so I need to figure some other way to view it.

Anyway... Detective Dee.

Back in 600-something A.D., China got their first female ruler: Empress Wu Zetian. History isn't especially kind when describing her. Apparently she had to be a bit of a hard-ass to keep people in line and respectful of her authority.

Go figure.

So anyway, it's about 8 years into Empress Wu's reign. She's working on a proper ceremony to have herself crowned. She's building this huge statue of Buddah as a symbol of Heaven's blessing on her rule.

And then suddenly some people involved in the construction spontaneously combust.

The only way to figure out who is behind the plot is for the Empress to get the honored Detective Di Renjie out of prison. Why was he in prison? Well, apparently about six years back, the good detective rebelled against her rule.

It's an interesting story. Detective Dee is a mix of Sherlock Holmes and Jet Li (although the character is played by Andy Lau). There's lots of wire-fu. There's some interesting side-characters, including an albino policeman and the Empress' right-hand woman who is handy with a whip (Director Tsui Hark has no fetish issues there...).

The story didn't go where I expected, though I figured out who the bad guy was in about ten seconds and was very disappointed to find out I was right. Still, the fight scenes were fairly awesome. It was all good times.

Oh yesssssssssssssssssssssssssss

The Right Hook

I saw SuckerPunch.

In brief: I liked it.

Expanded: It's essentially Alice in Wonderland meets Inception in a mental institution.

And Zack Snyder dresses up his girls like fetish dolls.

The plot was bizarre and the dialog was corny, but let's face it: if you saw the trailer, you didn't go expecting Shakespeare. Nice twist at the end.

And the effects were dazzling. Seriously dazzling.

I regret nothing.

[Edit] To be clear: SuckerPunch is pretty much brain candy. It creates brain cavities.

Mmm... brain candy...

The plot was pretty f*cked up and very trashy. The story is told in three levels. The first two levels are decidedly boring. The third, FX-heavy, level was worth the price of admission.

If you like ridiculous FX-laden battle scenes out of an insane video game, this is the movie for you.[/Edit]

Sucker-age?

AICN has two reviews of sublime hate for SuckerPunch.

Won't stop me from seeing this pretty-looking steaming pile (let's face it, did anyone really think it would have a good plot?). I mean, I like movies like Machine Girl and Alien vs Ninja. My tolerance for cinematic crap is pretty high in certain areas.

The reviews:

Ambush Bug's review
Massawyrm's review

I've seen blurbs that SFGate didn't like the film. I had to sit down in shock. /sarcasm

Salon's review was surprisingly-positive... kinda.

This ought to be a hoot.

Suckers

Tomorrow is the opening night for SuckerPunch

While I'm stoked to see such a cheese-tacular movie, I have to admit, Multiplex probably gets it right

[Edit]

Twitch gives it a review. An unsurprising review.

Mind you, this isn't dissuading me from wanting to see the movie. I know exactly what to expect.

Just sayin'.

[/Edit]

Absolutely Essential Information

This is pretty much everything you need to know.

Hm. I need to buy some vodka, I guess.

Understanding is a Three-Edged Sword

I've been back on a "Babylon-5" kick of late.

Just finished one of the mini-arcs of Season Three and felt myself getting all giddy after one of the obligatory space battles.

Nothing quite satisfies like an FX-laden, "pew-pew", space battle, even if the FX in question are a bit dated.

Lunacy

Is it really only Tuesday?

Not even halfway through the week and I've seen far more tears than I ever expected and all due to thoughtlessness (or malignancy) on the part of others who should know better. I've seen friendships I'd believed to be solid vanish like smoke in a strong breeze.

Half of the people I know are either sick or believe they're getting sick (I think I'm one of that half, I say... sniffling slightly).

We're bombing yet another country. What's that now? Three nations we're screwing around in? What the hell? Fighting in one country isn't enough of a drain on our resources? We've got to blaze into three? What the hell? Nobody in Washington thinks the craptacular economy is serious enough?

What a time to get on the wagon...

Judo Chop!

As reward for helping move a rather-light couch, a friend took me to lunch at the Chop Bar on Saturday.

It was my second visit.

I must admit I have not taken the time to be a good little diner and try out new dishes on their diverse menu. For my second visit, I went with what I tried on my first: the Chop Bar Burger.

Per their menu: Niman Ranch ground chuck with bacon & avocado on an Acme Kaiser roll.

It's better described as insanely-delicious and possibly heart-attack inducing. Coupled with a hoppy Drake's beer, it was a culinary delight.

The service was friendly and great. The seating was comfortable. The decor is trippy and eye-catching. The food is delicious.

Aaaaaand... now I'm craving a burger again. Damnit.

Springy

Apparently it's now spring.

The forecast in the Bay Area is a chance of showers with a chance of thundershowers mixed in for fun. In the future that may mutate into proper rain. Then more rain.

Then it may just get wet.

I can't say I mind. I'm not particularly fond of walking in the rain nor am I especially overjoyed over the thought of driving in the same. The rain is inconvenient as it interferes with my jogging (I'm too much of a wuss to jog in the cold rain... I like not having a cold). Still, I approve of weather that staves off that word in Californian language that is so loathed: "drought".

I'm moderately confident we won't be worrying about a drought this summer. With that in mind, I'm fine with the skies dumping water on us. Helps me justify re-watching all five seasons of "Babylon-5" on DVD instead of doing anything constructive.

Homeroom

I went to Homeroom Mac 'n Cheese today.

I expect that meal halved my life expectancy. I ate the Vermont White Cheddar Mac and Cheese and paired it with a Drake's Amber (they were shy of several of their beers today). It was quite heavenly.

Then I had one of their homemade oreo cookies.

That, right there, halved my remaining lifespan and was pure bliss.

If you're healthy (or not terribly concerned about your heart exploding in your chest) I recommend giving it a go.

Best if you like cheese.

Mmmm... cheese...

Quandry

Some facts I must consider:

1) I own a Stein of Science.

2) It's St. Patrick's Day.

3) As someone with ancestry of various European nations known for cliched behavior of imbibing alcohol, I feel obligated to celebrate St. Patrick's Day in the appropriately-cliched fashion of consuming moderately sizable amounts of alcohol (probably beer).

My quandary:

Do I take my Stein of Science with me on my sojourns to various drinking establishments this fine evening and risk possible damage to the PRECIOUSSSSSSSS (sorry... forgot myself for a moment) or do I leave my superior drinking vessel in the safe and warm confines of my man cave and settle for inferior, local vessels to hold my beverages?

Oh, the humanity!

If I had a "rugged" Stein, I bet I'd be less-worried.

Nah... I'd still be worried and I'd have to fight people who would want to examine the awesomeness of such a product in the insanity of the occasion.

Éire go Brách

Happy St. Patrick's Day and all that stuff.

Hope you're wearing green. Hope you don't turn green today.

Remember the Irish and their various non-cliche contributions to society. Apparently there were four times as many Irish in the Union army as in the Confederate army during the Civil War (if the Internet is to be believed). They were a badass working class in America's early days and, like the Chinese, are helped build the railway systems that the U.S. depended upon.

Their folk music mutated into modern-day Country and Western music. I'm not sure they should be thanked for that.

Oh let's face it. In the states, we just use this as another excuse to party.

And I'm okay with that.

Sláinte

More Yarg

I can tell it's going to be one of those days when I'm prompted to facepalm twice before 7am.

Is it really only Wednesday? It feels as though it ought to be later.

Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day, yet another wonderful contribution to world culture from the fine folks of Ireland. I do love the Irish. I have plenty o' Guinness in my 'fridge and may have to get some more Smithwick's to supplement it.

I'm so prepped for St. Paddy's that I'm taking Friday off to recov... um... properly honor it.

Sláinte

Yarg

DST is kicking my ass something fierce.

I hates it. I hates it a lot.

I cannot express how happy I am that I got a refill on my Black Blood of the Earth and it's the super-caffeinated Panama.  I think that's the only reason I'm even remotely functional.

Yes, I sound like someone with a substance abuse problem. I'm comfortable with that.

The Bacon Bill of Rights

[Roll with it here, this is just stream-of-consciousness randomness brought on by DST]

The Bill of Bacon Rights:
1) It is the natural born right of each free individual to have delicious bacon, at whatever time of the day or night, that one feels the desire for that thing.
2) Hipsters are annoying and should be fixed.
3) It is every citizen's right to prepare for the zombie apocalypse.
4) Zombies are great as fuel for the fire that cooks the bacon. Mmm... zombie-mequite. Applewood is better, though.

Okay, so these aren't really "rights".  Pay no attention to the bacon behind the curtain.

A Thought

The Bacon Party: A political platform on the virtues of bacon and world domination.

Human Nature

BoingBoing has a story about fraud and Japan relief.

I wish I could say I'm surprised.

Disgusting assholes like these fraudsters are an abomination to our species. It's doubly-sad, 'cause many people I know anticipated this and have avoided participating in what is likely otherwise-legitimate fundraising endeavors for Japan's troubles.

Personally I find it easiest to donate to Red Cross (Yes, I'm pimping the Red Cross. Get over it). It's hard to go wrong with them.

If ninja clans were real, it would be my fondest hope that they're dispatching shadowy agents to deal with the various fraudsters and that in coming weeks, mysterious funds will go to help those affected in Japan.

And somewhere, in a dark cave, a pile of heads or ears or some other grisly trophies will appear to mark the decrease of opportunistic assholes in this world.

Nuclear Problem

Radiation's spewing out of that Japanese nuclear plant. Insult upon injury as Japan's death toll just keeps going up and up after the quake and tsunami combo.

Meanwhile, folks are apparently using this incident as an excuse to protest in Germany and other places over the use of nuclear power.

I honestly have no idea where I sit on this issue. I mean, how often does one really expect a disaster along the lines of a 9.0 earthquake to hit a nuclear power plant? I expect it to be far more likely I'm going to get squashed crossing the street today.

[Knocks on wood to hope I'm not suddenly prophetic. Moving on.]

A lot of our technology is simply dangerous. The San Bruno explosion reminded us that gas can also be dangerous. Sure, it's looking like PG&E screwed up and that resulted in the obliteration of a neighborhood and many deaths, but it could just have easily been the result of an accident or earthquake.

I'm not a nuclear engineer (or any kind of engineer). For all I know, everything runs on dilithium crystals and spinning things powered by space monkeys. I have no idea if there's ways of making our power sources safer that we're not actually doing.

I'm moderately confident our technology isn't capable of staving off the damage from something truly catastrophic, like a 9.0 quake, a comet or asteroid impact, or human incompetence, stupidity, and evil.

Our world society needs power. It's got to come from somewhere. Hydroelectric works well enough, but dams cause problems with local ecosystems. Solar power is very friendly, but it's not currently up to the challenges posed by demand (and probably not all that useful on a rainy day... just sayin'). Wind power has its own problems with birds getting caught in the rotors and the like. Coal burning is just bad across the board.

So that leaves nuclear power plants, unless I'm missing something. I can't say I'm entirely comfortable with the idea of being anywhere near a nuclear power plant, but the technology has been useful.

Modern life is awfully complicated.

A Few Things

1) I hate Daylight Saving Time with an unholy passion beyond my ability to express in words. I don't care that we "get more sunlight". I want my hour of sleep back, damnit.

2) I'm gratified to know that my friends in Japan are all safe and sound. I'd suspected they were fine, given that they're hundreds of miles to the southwest of the quake zone, but one can never be certain.

I've already donated to Red Cross. If I were the sort who believed prayers made any difference, I'd offer those.

3) For some perspective on the reactor problems in Japan, one might consider the words of someone with some experience in the matter.

---
I want to think of something chirpy to say, but I'm too goddamn tired.

To whomever was responsible for the extension of DST: I hope you suffer chronic insomnia for those two extra weeks every year for the balance of your lives and experience explosive diarrhea every night, just 'cause I'm vindictive.

Japan

In a nutshell, I have no idea what to say about a disaster like this.

I've got friends in Japan. I figured they were okay (they live far from the most affected area) but it's hard not to worry when you see all the news on this. Quake, tsunami, nuclear meltdown... it's pretty terrifying.

I hope they catch a break over there and get a chance to recover.

When Dirt was Young

In ancient times (1975 to 1977) the world was a different place. Hairstyles were disturbing and wrong. Earth tones prevailed in fashion. Pants had bottoms shaped like bells.

Civilization was pretty much a mess.

Out of Japan, a TV show came forth. It was called "Himitsu Sentai Goranger", or "Goranger".

"Go" is the Japanese word for the number five. So "Goranger" translated to "The Five Rangers". This is how the show aired on television in Honolulu back in those days.

And, as luck would have it, this is when I got to watch said show.

It was a new experience for me. I got to see over-done, corny martial arts, colorful costumes, funky gadgets, and rubber-suit monsters all while hearing horrific dubbing.

It set the tone for my later love of Godzilla and the like as well as innumerable martial arts action movies.

Fast forward many years. "Power Rangers" airs in the U.S. I see this advertised with a moderate sort of horror coupled with a disturbing flashback to "Goranger".

Yep. It's essentially the same show with the same five folks vs cartoonish villains.

Rinse and repeat over I-don't-even-want-to-know how many incarnations.

And then the Internet showed me this:



So apparently there's been a lot of incarnations by this point.

And it troubles me that I can pick out the original Goranger outfits among this horde of technicolor craziness.

I think it's time for my meds.

Boycott Harper Collins

There's an eBook kerfluffle over "durability" of eBooks for libraries.

In case my blog post title isn't terribly clear, I'm siding with the libraries.

That's just how I roll.

Super Powers

I got a refill of Black Blood of the Earth yesterday.

I had some for... um... with breakfast this morning.

I was able to heat my oatmeal with the power of my mind.

I love this stuff.

Sympathy for the Naming

My blog post title isn't as clever as I'd like it to be.

Over this weekend, I finished The Wise Man's Fear.

I'm still in a sort of haze of happy from it.

That was a damn fine book!

I find myself riveted to the tales of Kvothe's life and trials.

I can't for the life of me figure out how he plans to conclude this story in a third novel.

I can't for the life of me figure out how I'm going to wait three or four more years for him to write and publish the next one.

I feel like a crack addict going through withdrawal.

Saddle Up

I meant to babble about this earlier, but I'm easily distra... oooh! Shiny!

What was I...? Oh yeah.

So yeah. Saddleback Leather Company.

Let me get my brain back into the zone here. Oh yes, so it's a weekend or two ago. I'm wandering about scenic San Francisco on a sunny-ish, nice day in between spots of rain and I'm trucking about with my Saddleback satchel. I wandered into a store and poked about when one of the clerks stops me.

"Is that a Saddleback?"

And thus starts the conversation and my enthusiastic gushing over how much I looooove my "man purse".

I own several things from Saddleback. All of them date from a year or two ago when I actually had a little money to buy expensive stuff with (all pre-dating my car payment... *sigh*). I've got a couple of their large satchels as well as one of their classic briefcases and even a little case for my iTouch.

I'm not the sort of person who will get a lot of love from PETA with my fashion choices.

It's funny how these bags get attention, though. I often get stopped as I wander about the Bay Area and questioned about the bags.

Sometimes people just ask me where I got the bag from. Sometimes they already know and just want to know how I like it.

At least two people have asked me why I don't carry a bullwhip and wear a fedora with my satchel(s).

They rock.

20 lies (and counting)

Saw this on BoingBoing: 20 lies (and counting) told by Gov. Walker.

I've given a lot of thought to Wisconsin and Ohio lately. As someone who has family who were/are public employees, I find the savage attacks on their earnings to be puzzling, but I guess not terribly shocking.

I'm more stunned at how jackasses like Walker are able to get away with this, but I suppose it's not all that big of a surprise.

The "big lie" has always worked well as a tactic.

Lovin' the tree corpse

Yesterday I received my copy of The Wise Man's Fear by the glorious god of writing known as Patrick Rothfuss.

Nine-hundred and ninety-four pages of Rothfussy goodness.

Nearly a thousand pages of prose from someone who has only published one other book that quickly made it into my top three favorite novels list.

I'm 290 pages in so far. It has not disappointed in the least.

It was all I could do to come into work today instead of call in "sick" and stay in bed reading.

I haven't been this happy about having a book handy since... um...

Hm.

I'll get back to you on that.

Woh-PAH! Ninja Alien Deathmatch!

This is a review of the cinematic masterpiece known as Alien vs Ninja.

I'd warn of spoilers but there's not a lot to spoil.

The story opens in "ancient" Japan. When? They're vague on that point and it really doesn't matter. Some badass ninjas (Masanori Mimoto and Kashiwabara Shuuji) have obliterated a target and are heading home with their cowardly gageteer associate.

Mimoto's ninja, Yamata, loves to fight. So when a band of enemy ninja come after him, he slaughters them in an orgy of cartoony, CGI violence.

Then a meteor blazes overhead.

Nearby, another band of ninja - including Rie (Hijii Mika), a kunoichi (female ninja) are heading back home from a mission and indulging in some commentary that most certainly ought to get them a visit to HR. Rie pauses and takes note of the same meteor overhead.

I bet you can't guess what happens from here.

So all the ninjas return home. There's a chat with the scar-faced ninja master who sits amidst a series of anachronistically-garbed ninja warriors (but that's okay, y'see, 'cause the main ninjas are all anachronistically-garbed as well).

They're sent out as a group to poke around and investigate the meteor.

And that's when they encounter the titular alien that crashed on Earth.

Cue the slaughter of the redshirt ninjas. Cue the stylistic fighting with ridiculous, cartoony weapons. Cue the comical blood and gore.

The numbers are quickly whittled down the four ninjas (including the coward one). Cue the sexual tension between the two leading ninja guys (the hotheaded uber-violent one and the cool, lazy-seeming, one) and the lady ninja.

It's actually unclear who was into whom, really. I guess it doesn't matter.

Cue the survivor kid from a slaughtered village who tells them of the monster.

Ninjas hunt the monster to avenge their fallen comerades. Meanwhile, the monster infects surviving wounded ninjas with parasite aliens that take over the bodies of those they inhabit.

More fighting. One hero-ninja gets captured. Other hero-ninjas get spanked by the monster (not literally, though the alien did try some hentai-style groping and phallic tail attacks against Hijii Mika's character, but she wasn't having any of that).

Cue the heroes going after their captured comerade.

Cue the possessed ninjas (who are essentially zombies, making this movie EVEN BETTER!!!).

More fighting. Asskickery all over the place.

Carnage. Climactic battle against the alien. Gunplay with the ninja gageteer's inexplicably sophisticated ninja machine pistol. Swordplay. At one point, both at the same time.

I think there was a couple of seconds dedicated to an attempt at character development and backstory.

There was a lot of trash talking. There was some random bits of utterly-baffling profanity.

There was an awful lot of sexual harrassment. I'm mildly-surprised Hijii's character didn't just stab the crap out of her teammates.

I guess that's not how they do things in ninja villages.

All-in-all, this movie was an INCREDIBLY-satisfying orgy of ridiculous ultra-violence and cartoony battles.

It boggles my mind that this wasn't up for an academy award.

I laughed. I cried.

It was better than "Cats".