Going Solo

Han shot first.

There. I said it. I saw "Star Wars IV: A New Hope" back in 1977 when it was just "Star Wars". As an eager-eyed child, I saw spaceships, robots, lightsabers, and this badass rogue in a black vest who took no shit from anyone (except some brassy woman in a white dress with a cinnamon-bun hairdo...) blasted the crap out of some pucker-faced alien who sought to do him wrong.

Apparently that was never George Lucas's intention. I find that hard to believe.

No. Wait. I do believe that. I want to not believe it.

George Lucas did a marvellous thing by creating the "Star Wars" universe. He had an inestimable impact on American culture. Oh hell, world-culture. Who would have thought "Jedi" would become a religion?

Since then he's sort of gotten obsessive over his navel-gazing and continually polishes stuff that doesn't need polish and fixing things that, frankly speaking, 'ain't broke.

He seems to find a strangely-overwhelming need to make all of his characters, hero or villain, exceptionally stupid.

Luke Skywalker was kind of a whiny dork. Sure, he was a naive farmboy and all that, but he just never seemed all that bright. The poor dude was kind of doomed. I mean he grew up raised by his "uncle" and "aunt" on a desert planet. A couple of people, I might add, who were not all that savvy about the dangers of raising a kid who has the last name of a famous Jedi. You know, the same famous Jedi who helped slaghter the rest.

Good times there.

At least Princess Leia's parents had the good sense to change her last name. Too bad they didn't think to fortify their planet with a battlefleet in case of giant killer space stations. Oh well.

But this is about Han Solo.

So poor Han is a smuggler. He's an every-man kinda fellow. Walks the fine line of the law (okay, he breaks the law... whatever). He doesn't have the Force. He doesn't play with laser swords. He's got a blaster and he owes money to giant space slugs.

Thanks to his choice of drinking establishments, Han gets cornered by Greedo, an alien thug working for space slug Jabba the Hutt. Greedo's going to blast a hole in Han from across a table.

Unless you're an Imperial Stormtrooper, let's face it. You really can't miss from across a table. If the shooter can miss, then really you're in no danger.

So, in the original, Han sneaks his blaster out of its holster while chatting up Greedo. When it's clear in conversation that Greedo's going to kill him, Han gets the drop on the scrawny thug and blasts him in the nethers.

Self-defense. Case closed. This was obvious even to my eyes as a child.

Fast forward to the "updated" trilogy. Lucas has Lucasfilm and ILM update all the special effects. And for some incomprehensible reason, has Greedo shoot first.

And Greedo, of course, misses. Having him hit Han would sort of remove a hero pretty quickly.

Han then goes forward and blasts Greedo under the table as we remember.

What comes out of this? Well, Lucas feels this vindicates Han and doesn't make him a murderer. Lucas apparently is a bit autistic and doesn't seem to understand situational violence and threats.

Scenario: I have a gun. A thug is holding a gun of his own on me. My gun is tucked in my waistband or whatever. The guy with the drawn and aimed gun is going to win 99.99999% of the time. I'm in mortal jeopardy here. If I somehow manage to get the drop on the thug and shoot him first, alone or with witnesses, it's a pretty clear-cut case of self-defense.

It's not like Han waved his blaster around after greasing Greedo and hosed the rest of the room. He surgically and carefully offed the one guy who presented a life-threat to him.

If Han had waited until Greedo had fired a freakin' laser beam at him, well... how smart would that make Han? About as smart as a prequel Jedi. That is to say, pretty freakin' stupid.

Tweaks like this lessen the intelligence and capability of the heroes in Star Wars. And this is why there's such a "Han shot first" outcry. The fans don't want their childhood heroes to be punk'd and made into fools.

It's bad enough Han accidentally took down Boba Fett by spearing Fett's rocket packe. It's bad enough Fett went down like a punk. It's ridiculous that Darth Vader/Anakin Skywalker was somehow forgiven for murdering children by tossing the Emperor down a hole.

There's no need to make Han more of a moron. And that's why Han shot first.

Wow. What an incoherent ramble on my part! I blame Nyquil. Oh, and George Lucas.

[Edit]Proof that Lucas is full of shit.[/Edit]