Saturday, April 9, 2011


With some good friends and a healthy base of alcohol in the system, I saw Your Highness last night.

We loved it. Seriously.

So... caveats:

1) This is a stupid movie. Seriously.

2) We had been drinking a lot.

3) We are all easily-entertained.

4) My standards for movie excellence are not exactly high.

Your Highness is best described as The Lord of the Rings meets any other fantasy movie you can imagine as written by a couple of stoned 13-year-old boys playing Dungeons & Dragons around a pile of skin magazines.

To say the language is crude and the humor is sophomoric is to waste too many syllables in describing the dialog.

The story is pretty simple(-minded): there's two princes in a mythical kingdom of some sort. One is noble, good, and all that. The other is a petulant, slacker, stoner.

The noble son's would-be virgin bride-to-be is kidnapped by an evil wizard for an evil spell. Noble son goes out to get his bride-to-be back.

That's an awkward sentence. Hm. Nevermind... moving on.

Slacker son has to go along with his noble brother or get banished. So the two of them set out with slacker son's lackey and have a series of bawdy adventures that eventually put them on the same path as Natalie Portman's character. Portman's character is a bad-ass, beautiful warrior woman.

Hang on. I know this depth of plot is hard to keep up with. Take a breather.

Okay, feel better? Moving on.

Slacker son has to step into a role that might be heroic if you squint just right. Good triumphs over evil.

Well... slackery fumbling triumphs over pervo creepy.


No that's not right either.

Bah. Long story short the movie ends with profanity and sex jokes.

Hm... maybe I should have added a spoiler warning?

So, if you can handle bawdy humor (like young teenage boy humor) and ridiculous amounts of profanity, this is a movie you'll enjoy.

If you are appropriately drunk and/or stoned, this also could well be a movie you'd enjoy. Hell, I'm going to say you need to at least be buzzed. In my case it was multiple glasses of sake followed up by a 22-oz Arrogant Bastard Ale.

If, however, you're easily offended, or expect a movie like this to have good acting and a solid plot, I'd save cash and go see something else.

1 comment:

Erik Appel said...

Magic, mother fucker.