Adventure

Lessons learned yesterday:

1) If a restaurant's garlic fries are not so much filled with garlic, they're probably not going to have much worth eating.

2) Questionable coffee shops should be left alone.

3) If you've been wearing contacts for over 14 hours, bring a damn case and cleaning solution for them.

---
Life lessons implemented yesterday:

1) Braking distance.

2) Sticking to cash on hand.

3) Allowing for enough time to get from point A to point B.

How I Know I'm Going To Hell

Conversation:

Speaker One: "So did Jesus wash away your sins?"

Speaker Two: "No, but he did make a very inappropriate offer regarding a spongebath."

...

...

...

...

The tiiiiiiiny bits of lapsed Catholic in me are scolding me for laughing at this. The rest are just staying warm.

Yet Another Definition

Entitlement - the belief that strippers should be slipping twenty-dollar-bills into your pants while they dance for you.

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, mind you...

This day ROCKS!

Bakesale Betty sandwich with the Veeb to celebrate my work evaluation. And now...the Gear ring is returned to me!

OH HAPPY DAY!!!

Another Definition

To "do a Ripley" - To: Dust off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure. In other words to wipe out what was once there and bring everything to a nice, clean slate.

If your definition of "clean" is "glowing, giant crater", that is.

A Definition

Epiphany - the moment when you realize you can apply the following saying to your life:

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Whee

The folks of The Guild do a masterful job of arful geek humor.

Their first video, "Do You Want to Date My Avatar", was freakin' genius.

They've outdone themselves with the second video "Game On" (embedded in a previous post), done Bollywood style.

I still collapse into hysterical laughter when Vork comes on the scene in his jacket and sunglasses.

Game On

<a href="http://www.bing.com/videos/browse?mkt=en-us&from=sp&vid=8cb424dc-cbdb-40be-90c5-8fb450462d2f&from=en-us" target="_new" title="Season 4 - Music Video - &quot;Game On&quot;">Video: Season 4 - Music Video - &quot;Game On&quot;</a>

Excellent! That worked!

I love "The Guild".

Current Events

* Erik's birthday party. Sushi and rum. Ninjas and pirates. WOH-PAH-ARRR!

* A break from martial arts. Health reasons.

* I found a ninja blog that had the unfortunate side-effect of pointing me towards the movie Ninja, which has been on my radar for about a year now.

I got it via Amazon. Amazon opted to let me watch it online (the DVD is en route with some other stuff). As I noted previously, it's pretty awful. The acting is atrocious. The plot is simply idiotic. The fight scenes are pretty entertaining. Overall it doesn't take itself too seriously. I can't help but like it. I feel so dirty...

I'm ready for Alien vs. Ninja now.

Yes please

Okay, it can't be good. It really just can't be.

All the same... yes, please.

WOH-PAH!

Ninja mind-bogglingly awesome and awful at exactly the same time in equal amounts.

I regret nothing.

No corsets. No hatpins. No crying.

They vacation in Ireland

NINJAS!!!

(via Neatorama)

Tightly-packed Can 'O Nerds

While picking up my comics on Sunday, I had a surprise encounter with one of the owners of the store I patronize.

Caught me a bit off-guard, as this is really the owner's wife. I can't for the life of me recall ever having a one-on-one conversation with her before.

She gave me a surpringly-thorough update on the recent San Diego Comic-Con trek she and her husband had just returned from then we spent the next ten minutes chatting about why I will likely never, ever go to said event.

I have to admit, SDCC calls to me on a very basic level of what passes for my soul. The sheer geekiness generated by SDCC would be a lot of fun.

It would also be packed with people.

There's a lot of geeky folks out there in the world (thank some god for that). That's awesome and all, but:

1) Geeks have a poor-hygiene stereotype for a reason.
2) I hate crowds. Seriously. I get anxiety attacks in large groups of people.
3) Any people in crowds start to smell bad after a while. Add 1) to the mix and... yeah.

Never going to happen.

Maybe I'll just go down there one year with some placards and join the protests. Though someone already got the "God Hates Jedi" slogan. Damn him.

Commandment Eleven: Thou Shalt Execute Order Sixty-Six

It started with this picture (apparently God hates Jedis).

The Veeb and I got on a somewhat-related rant. And this was the result:

"I can see it now," I said. "Commandment Eleven: Thou Shalt Execute Order Sixty-Six"


And lo! The lord GOD said:
"Are these not Jedi recruiting young Anakin? How shall they recognize his worth?"
And the prophet George said:
"They will measure his midichlorian count."
And the Lord GOD said:
"What the fuck are you talking about, George?"
And the Lord GOD said:
"Seriously, George. I will smite the SHIT out of you for this nonsense. And where the hell did you find this kid? You couldn't find an actual actor? And what the hell is up with this Jar Jar Binks character? Are you some kind of racist?"

Seeing RED

I never thought a Bruce Willis movie would appeal to me again.

I was wrong.

The Legend of Korra

Oh HELL YEAH!!!!

Last three

The end of the bag:

focus on your long-term goal. Don't hesitate to act now. - but I've already bought Lottery tickets!

You will receive unexpected support over the next week. Accept it graciously. - I always accept money graciously.

Your flamboyant personality will soon bring you to a new hobby. - My what now?

WHO-TASTIC

Via BoingBoing

Even more!

Your home is a pleasant place from which you will draw happiness - it's like they know about my DVD stash and my comic book collection.

Hm... now I'm worried about stalker-burglars. I was wondering what that creepy fellow in the trench coat was doing the other morning...

Rely on long time friends to give you advice. - out of respect for my long term friendships I shall refrain from commenting.

Soon someone new coming into your life will be a best friend - wow. I think this fortune just called me easy. F***ers...

Seek friendship and you will find someone special this month. - Hang on. Is this fortune saying my potential-friends are easy too? Someone at this fortune cookie factory needs a little smackdown.

Now is the time to call loved ones at a distance. Share your news. - "Hello? Uncle Bob? I'm broke. Care to help out? Kthxbye!"

Your lost possession will be found within the month. - That bag of hundred-dollar bills is going to turn up? SWEET!

Oh, it has to be my possession? Well, crap.

Tomorrow is a good day for trying something new - I think I'll try different painkillers, thanks.

Captain Science and the Weird!

My friend Kristin has a calendar at her desk of old sci-fi book covers (or comic covers or whatever).

Essentially, they're almost all some dude in a spacesuit, with a rocket-pack, a bubble helmet, and a raygun defending some helpless, scantily-clad woman.

She pointed out something that's sticking in my head.

In NONE of these posters is a woman wearing a spacesuit or helmet.

Not one.

What's the assumption back in the '50's? Space-women didn't need to breathe? Necrophilia was okay?

It's vaguely-creepy.

Two More

A couple more in the last hour:

Be good to yourself. Dessert three times per week is OK. - seriously? Only three times a week? Ridiculous.

Listen attentively. You will come out ahead in the coming week. - 'cause I'm behind now? Did I enter a race? Or is this going back to the Lottery thing?

Wait! I see it now! A hot loan officer for the bank holding my car loan is going to have a torrid affair with me and write off the balance of my barely-paid car payments, putting me out of debt.

Mmm... torrid affair...

Fortunes

Fortunes acquired from my uber-bag of fortune cookie rejects thus far:

You will be rewarded for your efforts within the month - this begs the question as to which efforts said fortune refers. That's a rather broad category.

You will soon have the opportunity to improve your finances - Wait! Does this tie in with the one above? Is my Lottery ticket any good? I should find it and check!

You should [censored] - No. Not printing that one. It's too stupid.

It's time to treat yourself to something special - Okay! Thanks! I will! Oh wait, I always do that. Something extra special, then? That's gonna require a lot of cash...

You will soon get something special because of your charm - wait... so are the fortunes telling me I'm gonna find a sugar-momma? Is a somewhat-immoral career change in my future? This is kinda wrong.

A romantic mystery will soon add interest to your life - Huh. This could mean many things.

I've eaten about half the bag of cookies so far (which, for the record, is a ridiculous amount of sugary junk).

[Addendum:] I'm starting to think the fortunes are bullshit. I checked my Lottery ticket. Wasn't worth the paper it's printed on.

How disappointing.

Entropy... and cookies

For a couple of bucks, one can get a bag of "rejected" fortune cookies (fortune cookies that do not hold to the traditional shape). Said bag is about the size of a child's backpack.

'Tis truly a bargain.

One of my friends left one such bag on my chair yesterday. These go wonderfully with coffee.

---

My good friend Erik is that much closer to retirement today. I hope the aches and pains of entropy do not trouble you on this fine day of celebration, my friend.

Dreamy

I saw Inception on Saturday after some beers.

The theater was packed. The seat was uncomfortable. The sound seemed a little muffled so I had a bit of difficulty understanding what some of the actors were saying... might just be that's how the movie is, though.

Doesn't matter.

The movie was freakin' brilliant. Trippy and weird, but pretty tight within the confines of the story they'd set up. The ending was good and just ambiguous enough for me to question what exactly happened.

I have to see it again.

In sadder news (for me, anyway), my beloved Kinekt Gear ring broke that same evening. I'm not sure how. One of the gears popped off. Thankfully Kinekt has a lifetime guarantee on it. I'm sending it off for repair/replacement.

Argh.

SO FUNNY

Beware: naughty language about halfway through.

Neat

These would be cool if I wore shirts with collars.



So true.

Both from Neatorama

Smurf Diplomacy

Brilliant

Awwww

Damn.

Imagine it: humanity extinguished by a giant Earth-fart.

Would've been so appropriate.

Bearataur!!

Lifted from MCS because it's too awesome not to share (until someone tells me to take it down... then I stop sharing).

Just needs mullets...

Erik sent me this.

I'm both fascinated with and appalled by the creation of this.

Acting Out

Mehserle got involuntary manslaughter, which is going to put him in prison for 5-14 years for killing Oscar Grant.

In response to this, some folks thought they'd show their outrage by torching and vandalizing downtown Oakland.

'Cause, y'know, it's downtown Oakland that decided the verdict and apparently had some say in Mehserle's conduct as a BART police officer.

Sarcasm aside, I hope each of these vandalizing asshats got arrested (apparently there were a good eighty-some-odd arrests) and get to share cells with love-starved, hard-core, convicts.

Seriously. I get that there's anger out there. Taking it out on the businesses in Oakland is about as productive as hacking off your legs if you've got a headache.

Sure, it takes your mind off the headache, but it's not the most helpful response ever imagined.

Most of these fucktards were just out there as an excuse to destroy stuff. I hope those assholes were arrested and get extra-special attention from cellmates.

Tea? Biscuit?

Okay, it's sexist. It's also damn funny.

Rule One

I have to admit, this is genius.

Traceurs are easily in my top 3 of categories of Z-day survivors.

It's a riot

Everyone's waiting for Oakland to erupt in an orgy of violence and fire as the Johannes Mehserle trial verdict is pending.

I admit to the same feelings of wariness. Worries over rioting made me deliberate for almost ten minutes before I drove into Alameda on Saturday to have some mai tais.

Goodness me.

Ten minutes. That's got to be a record.

My flippant commentary aside, I'm hoping that things don't go nuts. I expect Mehserle to get convicted with involuntary manslaughter or a similarly-slight charge. Regardless, I doubt anyone's going to be satisfied with how this plays out, given that the case is about a white police officer shooting an African American man. Add to the mix that there were no African Americans among the jurists and I think folks who want to flip out will find plenty of excuses to do so.

It would be nice if everyone suffered a bought of extreme sanity and just chilled out. Demolishing parts of already-struggling downtown Oakland doesn't do anyone any good at all.

Would be nice if everyone heard their rational voice this time around.

Amusing

Source: Forensic Science

I don't watch CSI, but I found this funny anyway. Click to see the whole thing.

Ah, television. What would we do without you to present us with unreasonable expectations?

The HOLINESS of Warren Ellis

"The crappiest vampire in all of fiction — and I include George Hamilton playing Dracula in that — and a werewolf that wants to fuck a baby. Those are my choices? Get out of my house before I set the hounds on you, you little bastards."

When asked which Twilight team he was on.

(Geekosystem)

The overwhelming awesomeness of his reply brings tears of joy to my eyes.

Sixth of July

Three day weekends are simply lovely. Three whole days of sleeping in and getting one's mental bearings.

Three days of slacking.

A few drinks here-and-there. Some bad television. The odd trek about the area.

Quite relaxing.

There were apparently fireworks back on Sunday. I could've rousted my lazy ass away from the movie I was watching (or the Internet I was surfing... I can't remember), but the fog was rolling in earlier and I saw no benefit to joining the mob to gawk at pyrotechnics I've seen before.

I see the office remains standing. It's good my source of income remains undisturbed.

It also remains very fluorescent.

I am glad my polarized sunglasses are undisturbed. Nothing like returning from three days of relaxation to a shiny new headache.

Good, clean fun.

Independence Day

Yay! No horrible aliens blasting our cities to rubble!

Yet.

At f***ing last

Damn but it took a long time for Friday to get here.

Time flies when you're having fun, but when you're not, life sure drags.

I could make some obnoxious theological observations, but I think I'll restrain myself.

I picked up a pair of polarized sunglasses at REI last night. They work much better against the hated fluorescent (yes, I can finally spell it right) lights in conjunction with the rest of the crazy.

I also managed to install my floor mats without damaging the Preciousssss. Installing floor mats, you ask?

So it turns out that the dealer floor mats (that I obtained on clearance via the Internet) have a quirk for the driver's mat. They have these neat little clips that secure the mats to the floor and prevent sliding. To put the clips in requires cutting into the floor.

Oh noes!

It was traumatic, but I managed. The Preciousss does not appear adversely-affected.

Shortly afterward, I had a funny encounter that reminded me of one of the reasons I moved to this end of the Bay.

In the old days, I lived in a somewhat more conservative community. I adorned my car with a Darwin Fish and thought nothing of it. One day I left karate class to find someone had left a note under my windshield wiper. The author of said note spent some time in the scribbles saying some unflattering things as to my character and telling me how I was going to hell for being such a bad person. The author also couldn't spell.

I can only assume the Darwin Fish was the source of said author's ire. I also assume said author did not stick around to tell me in person 'cause I was a martial arts student and might not have reacted well.

A fair assumption.

Anyway, fast-forward a decade and change. I'm at Costco picking up stuff and I've returned to my car. An older lady is finishing up packing her car with goodies as I approach my Precioussssss. She pauses and clearly looks as though she's about to ask something.

I figure she's curious about the new car.

Nope. She says:

"I understand the Darwin Fish. What's this?"

She points to the Flying Spaghetti Monster icon opposite the fish.

I take a few moments to explain Pastafarianism and the FSM. She was touched by his Noodley Appendage and I accidentally created a convert.

Would never have happened in my old home.

Next I should get a Cthulhu Fish. Just to round things out.

The Doctor is out... for justice

I saw this during my early-morning perusal of the Internet crazy.

I nearly choked as I laughed.

It's brilliant.

I'd pay good money to watch a properly-done parody with Statham as an ass-kicking Doctor.

It would have to be a parody and it would have to have Simon Pegg's participation in writing and execution. I'm thinking of something akin to "Doctor Who" meets Hot Fuzz.

It absolutely must be written, produced, and directed by the British. I'd even be fine with Russell T. Davies being involved.

Air Bendover

So the consensus appears to be that M. Night Shyamalan has completely and utterly screwed over the story of "Avatar: The Last Airbender" in his live-action The Last Airbender movie.

There's talk (hope?) that this is the death-knell of Shyamalan's career.

I don't care about Shyamalan either way. I enjoyed The Sixth Sense, but I've been otherwise unimpressed with his cinematic offerings.

I am a fan of anime and animation as a whole. I am also a fan of "Avatar: The Last Airbender", despite the fact that it's a kid's show and my driver's license insists I haven't been a kid for a few decades.

Stoopid driver's license. What does it know? It also insists I have a beard and weigh... oh let's not go there.

Where was I? Oh yeah.

"Avatar: The Last Airbender" (the animated version) was a clever show with an original mythology derived from (or inspired by) various Asian cultures. It incorporated a sort of magic and mixed it in with meticulously-researched real-life martial arts. The animated characters were drawn to match the movements of real-life martial arts practitioners of specific styles.

It was a kid's show, so it had lots of goofy humor and unrealistic situations. There wasn't any "real" violence. While the backstory had war and loss, there was rarely actual death portrayed on-screen and never anything that might resemble gore.

That's not to say it was some bit of goofy tripe. It had a surprisingly-sophisticated story for a kid's show. The protagonists evolved throughout the series and had to struggle with fairly adult ethical situations. And it wasn't devoid of loss. At least two significant characters were killed. One was debatably killed on-screen.

When it was going for the higher-levels of storytelling, "Avatar: The Last Airbender" was brilliant and epic.

Shyamalan's The Last Airbender was troubled from the start with the accusations of "racebending" (casting mainly white actors in the starring roles of an Asian-themed story). I wonder why that was the first outcry instead of Shyamalan's first taking over the property to create a live-action movie.

Seriously, didn't anyone watch his other movies? This was right up there with getting Ang Lee to do "The Hulk" or George Lucas writing and directing his prequels.

The Last Airbender sounds like utter crap (a 5% favorable rating in Rotten Tomatoes is pretty damn awful). That's a shame 'cause the story had an amazing amount of potential. There's very little that is original or fresh in Hollywood these days. It's sad that Shyamalan had to piss on this one bit of possible awesome and smother it with his ego.

For my part, I think I'll be watching me some cartoons tonight.

Subtle yet quick to anger

I was a huge fan of "Babylon-5" and I even enjoyed the "Crusade" spin-off.

So it comes to no surprise to me when I glanced in the mirror this morning as I pounded keys on my latest project and realized, I resemble a technomage.



Add sunglasses and remove the phallic-looking sci-fi staff, and that might actually work.

If I have time later, I'll have to see if I can play with Photoshop. Bummer my home PC doesn't like Photoshop.