Best. Advice. Ever.

Today's "Worst Case Scenario" calendar offers a tip I feel all of us should pay heed:

How to Survive If There Are Children in Your Corn

1. Cull.
   Widen your rows so that the children are more visible as they wander among the corn.
   
2. Spray.
   Liberally hose the cornfield with holy water, which has a proven effectiveness against demon children.
   
3. Fence the perimeter.
   Enclose the perimeter of the field with barbed-wire fencing, topped with crosses to repulse further infestation.
   
4. Raze the fields.
   Burn the existing stalks and let the field lie fallow for a season. When replanting, rotate the crop of corn with soybeans instead; resume planting corn the following season.
   
5. Flee.
   If children reappear when you next grow corn, immediately abandon your field, your home, and your town, leaving behind half-drunk cups of coffee, open magazines, and tumbleweeds slowly spinning through the dusty streets.
   

My own editorial to this important advice: substititue your own symbols of faith, as needed. The soybeans really ought to drive out most demonic infestations. Demon kids hate soy. You might consider liberally adding in some broccoli as well.