Thursday, July 31, 2014

Who are the good guys in Star Wars?

So I keep seeing adverts for "Star Wars: Rebels" and it harkens me back to the the myriad plot points that bug me:

  • Yoda: Super-powerful Jedi master. What does he do with his power and skills? Hides on a freakin' jungle planet out in the middle of nowhere, lies to Luke about being the last Jedi, and won't tell Luke the truth of his parentage.

    Conclusion: he's a lying, impotent little manipulator. Instead of trying to constructively counter the rising fascist Empire after his failed assassination attempt on Palpatine, he hides like a coward then manipulates the son of the very man he alienated and opposed joining the Jedi to shape into a weapon as a proxy.

    Further, he's a bit of a sexist, keeping Leia as the "backup" to Luke and never training her at all in Jedi powers.
  • Obi-Wan "Ben" Kenobi: Pretty much the same thing, but he's a stalker on a desert planet taking a more active, manipulative role in turning Luke into a weapon against Palpatine and Vader/Anakin. He doesn't own up to lying until he's called on it after he's a Force ghost. He's as much of a coward and manipulator as Yoda, only more pathetic for letting Yoda set that policy from another part of the freakin' galaxy.
  • Luke Skywalker: Seriously. He kept the surname of "Skywalker", the very name of the guy who leads the betrayal of the Jedi, slaughters kids, and all that. If you're loyal to the Jedi, you'd think that name would attract negative attention. If you're an Imperial agent, you'd think that name would come up and make its way to the Emperor's desk. WTF was the Empire doing on Tatooine, anyway?
  • Stormtroopers: What exactly is the good of that armor if arrows and rocks can kill people wearing it?
  • Yavin IV Base: Seriously. As soon as the Death Star popped in, WHY DIDN'T THE REBELS EVACUATE?
  • The Sith: If there can only be two, why are there so many "Dark Jedi" being used by Palpatine and Vader in so many side-stories?
  • Jedi: Okay, seriously, what's up with the impractical robes? Why was Luke in his black-outfit (which looked very Sith-ish) the only practically-garbed Jedi? Oh and the weird emotional-suppression creed Yoda preached: what the hell is up with that? You're a star-spanning civilization. You don't understand what that kind of emotional suppression can do to a human mind? Seriously? WTF?
  • Chewbacca: Meets Yoda in Episode III. Forgets about it or never brings it up when Obi-Wan and Luke come on the Millennium Falcon for the first time. Um...?
  • Actually, the entire Luke vs the Emperor and Vader thing: Unnecessary. A combination of Han and Leia's commando team on Endor, coupled with the space assault led by Lando and Wedge are what actually blow up the Death Star and kill everyone on board. The Force wasn't going to save Palpatine and Vader from an explosion of that size. Luke's entire duel on the Death Star II was irrelevant and pointless. One could argue the character stops being relevant right after A New Hope.
So, yeah. Star Wars. Left me with some issues. There you have it.

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