Shiny Key Stuff

Keyport

Just take a gander for a moment. It's okay. I'll wait.

Okay?

So yeah. I got one yesterday and I wanted to share some thoughts.

First of all, I should note that I've been something of a nightmare customer. I changed my order, spammed a bit with follow-up emails, and had minor issues.

These guys are champs when it comes to customer service. They're responsive, polite, and easy to work with. For that alone, I would recommend them.

So a Keyport is a fob about three inches long (small enough to fit in my closed fist) that can hold up to three keys blades. When you order a Keyport, you pick a color for the actual fob, then you print up one of their order forms. You can opt for two packages:

* The regular package (for normal keys)
* The automobile package (for auto keys with chips in 'em)

The order form has six slots on it. You put your six chosen keys on it, put a smidge of tape over the teeth of the keys (for security purposes), take snapshots of both sides of the key, then scribble down any number-and-letter codes on your keys (there's a surprising amount of these on each key).

Email the two photos of the form to them. In a couple of days, they email you back with the list of keys and some arcane codes associated with the indicated keys. If you've got a chipped auto key in the mix, you should be prepared to send a chipped copy off to them for conversion.

So what happens is that when the order is ready, Keyport mails you a package containing:

* The fob (and some nifty little color button/slide thingies)
* Up to six key blades

The key "blades" are blanks that match your keys from the form you submitted. They're essentially just the important part of the keys without the wide parts on the end. They've instead got little plastic caps.

You then take the blades to a locksmith and have them ground down. Test them on the appropriate locks. If they work, you put the little button/slide thingies on the key blades and put them into the fob. Then you're good to go.

The entire process is remarkably easy and the fob is really neat. I'd be using mine right now, but it turns out that one of my more important keys was misidentified somewhere along the way (I probably missed a code or something). The fine folks at Keyport, being rock stars, are mailing me a replacement while I return the "bad" key blade.

Once I have the replacement, I'll just get it ground, put it in the fob, and I'm good to go.

It's a hardy-looking little thing. The packaging is very shiny and cool. The instructions are remarkably clear.

All said, I have to say I'm impressed with this. I'd recommend it to anyone.

A bit of a caveat: if you're thinking of getting an auto key included, check with your auto manufacturer and price getting a duplicate, chipped key. Those puppies are expensive. I considered getting one of mine in the Keyport, but the process of getting the duplicate was nearly twice the cost of the Keyport.

Not really money I need to spend.

So, in summary: Keyport shiny and very, very cool.

Yeah, I probably need this

Returning home from an outing last night, I had a close call on the freeway. Uncomfortably close.

If it had turned into a collision, it would have undoubtably been my fault.

Thankfully, my luck held.

Scared the crap out of me and will hopefully keep me calm on the roads for the forseeable future.

So I've decided I really needs this.

Stages of Gadget Acquisition

Stage One - Observation: OOOH!!!! Shiny!

Stage Two - Acquisition: C'mon credit card! Do your stuff!

Stage Three - Transportation: Jeez! When is it going to get here? I waaaaaaants it!!!!

Stage Four - Arrival: SHINY!

Stage Five - Testing: What the F***!!! This isn't right!

Stage Six - Negotiation: Dear [seller]. Here's my problem. Can you fix it?

Stage Seven - More Transportation: WHEN IS IT GOING TO GET HERE??? I WAAAAAANTS IT!!!!!

Stage Eight - More Testing: W00T!

Stage Nine - Bliss: SHINY! GLEE! SHINY!

Stage Ten - Distraction: Huh. Wonder what's on this page? (go to Stage One)

Doctorin'

In the upcoming season of "The Sarah Jane Adventures", the 11th Doctor (Matt Smith) is due to meet Sarah Jane and Jo Grant.

I must say I'm intrigued.

Jo Grant was hardly a companion who is going to be remembered too fondly as history marches on. The character was very much a product of the '70's. She was a ditzy screamer and damsel-in-distress who every once in a while got to be plucky and almost competent.

A far cry from Zoe Herriot, Liz Shaw, Sarah Jane Smith, etc.

It's the 21st century now, so I have to say I'm curious if they'll revisit Jo in a positive light to make her less of a ditz and more capable and intelligent, like Sarah Jane or Amy Pond.

Makes me wonder if they're considering bringing back other past companions.

I pray they keep Melanie Bush gone for all eternity. I hope Adric stays dead-dead-dead. I won't weep if Peri Brown and Tegan Jovanka are never seen again.

I wouldn't mind seeing a return of Ace, or Sergeant Benton, or Mike Yates, or (bonus) Romana.

Mmm... Romana.

Where was I?

Musing

There are times when I find it hysterical that I work in a position that essentially relies on my ability to communicate with others.

I mainly find that funny due to the number of times I find miscommunications taking place.

I honestly can't tell if it's me or the folks I try to communicate with. Could well be both, all things considered.

In other news, I weep over a lack of "Fringe" tonight.

Sigh.

Hump Day

Halfway to the weekend. Good lord but this week is taking its sweet time finishing up.

I'm spending an extraordinary amount of time playing detective (both as part of my job and on the side). I'm finding I quite enjoy it... in doses.

As part of my job it feels more like I'm an archaeologist unearthing ancient and arcane secrets that have not seen the light of day in a decade. I have a leather jacket and an appropriate satchel. I think I have a hat that would suit an Indiana Jones-like look. Wonder what I did with that whip?

---
With the best of intentions, I meant to go on the wagon in the month of October and avoid imbibing alcoholic beverages, mainly as a weight/diet thing.

Boy did that plan go south quickly.

Last night I met up with my friend the Veeb and not only enjoyed a few pints of mostly-delicious brews but a burger that was to die for.

Maybe literally, as there was both butter and bacon on said burger of deliciousness.

If I wasn't operating on pure necromantic energies, my heart would probably explode in my chest from the caloric delight of the burger.

Mmm... tasty, tasty burger.
---

Ah, election time. 'Tis the season for robot calls to advise me on the latest political bullshit.

My answering machine has a very simple and direct approach. I advise callers that if they are calling with:

* a survey
* to ask for money
* any political message

to hang up and take me off their call list. Otherwise, leave a message.

It's gotten some amused reactions from my dentist, my parents, and assorted friends. I have no idea if it's worked on actual annoying callers. I know that the Do Not Call list doesn't work for political wonks or survey folks and it doesn't affect certain money-wheedlers.

Can't hurt, I suppose.

I think I'll just turn the ringer off until November.

Cracking up - Biblically

I'd normally post this to Facebook, but I have too many religious friends who might think I'm slamming their faith.

Cracked's take on five things you won't believe are not in the Bible

Snap Crackle Pop

That's the sound my brain is making. Or maybe it's the soft-tissue in my joints.

Either way...

Much scrambling this week to get various things done. Some are social obligations. Some just personal matters that have to be addressed before the weekend.

Slightly-maddening.

Got the lion's share done as of a half-hour ago. That's something, at least.

Meanwhile, the gods of perversity are f*cking with me. Bastards.

Meh. Could be worse, I guess.

No "Fringe" until Nov. 4. I am sad.

Kid's Programming

There's a segment of my mind that refuses to grow up. It's stuck somewhere between the ages of 8 and 13 and just won't budge beyond that point.

It has its advantages and its disadvantages in life.

That's probably why I enjoy some of the more random programs I enjoy (like the animated version of "Avatar: the Last Airbender").

I spent this weekend about as animated as a houseplant. I was tired and staying in felt like a great idea. I alternated between entertainments. I had the myriad (and often sordid) distractions of the Internet as well as my insane collection of DVDs to distract me.

It was almost by accident that I found myself channel surfing and hit Cartoon Network. I was trying to catch "Sym-Bionic Titan" (Tartakovsky is a god of homage to shows I enjoyed as a kid). By accident, I caught the promo for a new show called Tower Prep.

Imagine if you will a teen melodrama set in a private school in some unspecified location. Add in elements of "The Prisoner" for shits and giggles. Mix in some X-Men. Just a dash. A smidge to make the protagonists seem interesting.

Then get weird. Rasping, barely-seen, robotic killer ninjas in a forest. Sinister academic schemes. Mysterious notes. Superpowers. Fight scenes. Good fight scenes (for a kid's show).

Pure win.

I'm not normally a fan of Cartoon Network's deviation away from animated offerings. I figure if you have a network name like "Cartoon Network", you should pretty much focus on cartoons and leave non-animated offerings to the six billion other networks out there.

It's a niche market for a reason, after all.

I absolutely loathe the life-action offerings in Cartoon Network's "Adult Swim" segment. They're lazy-written, poorly-done, trash attempts at comedy as written by stoned college student wannabes, in my opinion.

The young adult/kid's life-action stuff on Cartoon Network has surprised me by being quite the opposite.

"Tower Prep" was quiet entertaining. It's on a par with "Unnatural History", a mix of high school melodrama, Indiana Jones, Scooby Doo, and MacGyver.

I suspect as long as I enjoy stuff like this, I'll never really "grow up". I don't consider that a bad thing at all.

Unsolicited Commentary

I forgot to say I've finally finished "The Windup Girl". Genius. Brilliant book. Depressing as all hell, but a great read.

I got my hands on a DVD of How to Train Your Dragon. I'm ridiculously-happy to watch this movie.

Keepin' it classy

A thought re: the full body scanners.

If the TSA staff are getting a free peepshow, they may as well go all the way with this thing.

I'm thinking the scanner should incorporate a pole and the airlines should toss a bunch of singles at folks as they do the security scan.

I can't be the first person to have this idea.

Pervert Positions

Is it just me, or does work as a TSA screener sound like the perfect job for perverts?

Bear with me.

So current security measures in airports are leaning towards these full body scanners. These things essentially are working x-ray goggles that let the screeners see a person pretty much naked.

And the devices save the images.

Since there's been some noted abuses of this technology, folks going through security can opt not to go through the naked-o-tron.

Of course, if you do that, you get a little tender loving attention by TSA folks who have to pat you down.

Apparently they'll be doing more "intensive" pat-downs in the near future.

So, essentially, a TSA screener is the perfect job for a voyeur or a groper.

Nice.

Oddly enough, I don't feel any safer now.

splat

Support for my worldview in which perversity and irony are the foundations of the (MY) universe:

* It's the days when I really want to sleep in that events conspire to prevent me from sleeping in.

* It's when I'm on the wagon and trying to avoid drinking alcohol when a series of irresistible alcohol-related events crop up.

* It's precisely on the days when I'm feeling my most social when I really shouldn't be interacting with other people.

Other things:

* Clicking refresh on a tracking page does not make the package arrive any faster. Doesn't especially make me feel better, either.

* I can't really figure out why I'm still watching the remake of "Hawaii Five-0".

* I'm enjoying crappy, Jon Pertwee-era "Doctor Who" episodes far more than I ought to.

* Excitement! How to Train your Dragon comes out on DVD tomorrow! Oh happy day!

Maid in Japan

Courtesy of the Veeb.

This. Right here.

This is why I love "Fringe".

fun

Monday's off to a great start.

* I forgot my iTouch. No music today.

* It's supposed to be hot today (and hotter tomorrow).

* Edits. Lots of red ink. Yuck.

* I looked at my bank account balance. [shudder]

* I forgot to bring a book today.

* Fluorescent light headaches already.

* Problem with mobility in my left arm.

Whee!

Oh Friday!

Oh Friday, I welcome you with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.

In a mere nine hours, you will deliver me from the work of the fluorescent gnome brain-drilling squads and their laser skull-cutters.

In a mere none hours and thirty minutes, you will guide me to beer. Yes, beer. The salvation of human souls awaits me.

You please me, Friday.

Carry on.

Healing Factor

They all said I'd have a scar. My classmates with EMT training. The nurses. The doctor.

IN YOUR FACE, DOUBTERS! MY SUPERPOWERS REIGN SUPREME!

Yeah, that's right. Stitches are gone. No scar.

I gloat only 'cause I got hit with bad news the same day I got my stitches out. I can't wear contact lenses for a few weeks which means:

* No peripheral vision
* Greater likelihood of damage to face/glasses in class
* Inability to wear proper eye protection to stave off fluorescent light-induced headaches.

That last point is the biggie to me. As I type this, it feels like gnomes are drilling through my eye sockets to root out the last of my grey matter.

Little bastards.

Winding Up

io9's book recommendations have rarely called to me. While I adore the site, any group that thinks "Sandman Slim" is worth the time it took to put it on ink and paper is not a group I care to hear the opinion of.

At least I don't care to hear their literary preferences.

So when they recommended "The Windup Girl" by Paolo Bacigalupi, I was dubious.

Boredom and a desperate craving for some kind of new reading material that didn't suck made me pick up a copy. I thumbed through it. It seemed interesting.

I picked up a copy.

I've read a lot of comparisons between Bacigalupi and China Miéville. Frankly, I don't see it. I find Miéville to be an extremely-overrated author with a severe problem writing relatable fiction. Bacigalupi doesn't apppear to have that problem. He's created a terrifying not-too-distant future that's all too believable.

I'm not done with the book yet, so my opinion may well change, but so far this book's got me hooked and hooked bad. It's not a happy book by any stretch of imagination. It's pretty hard-core.

Makes it all the more satisfying.

Mon-all-too-soon season

Always happens. My calendar gets too full and something crops up that threatens to destabilize my delicate schedule.

In all fairness, I have no one to blame but myself. Strangely enough, that doesn't make me feel any better.

Argh.

I'm debating whether or not I want to see The Social Network.

No idea where I'd find the time, so I guess that's a moot point.

Brilliant Air Safety Demo

Wow. Simply... wow.

From io9

TROLL!!!!

I want to see this movie RIGHT NOW!

Irony, Perversity, and Karma

I'm not a particularly-religious individual, despite having a Roman Catholic background.  I'm ambivalent to the question of God.  Does (s)he exist?  Are we made in God's image?  How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

All of that's pretty meaningless to me for reasons I'm not going to get into.  I do believe that the universe has certain constants:  irony, perversity, and karma. 

Could simply be my particular worldview, though.

Why bring it up?  This week:

* After avoiding someone moderately-established in my life for about thirteen years, circumstances have forced me to look up said meatbag.  Said individual is not picking up for calls.  Payback?  Maybe.  Do I care?  I won't lose sleep over this...

* Having scoffed at the alleged pain of Wednesday's tetanus shot, I find myself experiencing the promised pain this fine Friday morning.  So the delay was not quite two full days.  Nice. 

* In looking for an excuse to bow out of my classes for a while, I took the previously-noted shot to the face that resulted in stitches.  Now I can't attend class until the stitches are removed for fear of complications. 

Whee.

And now October has arrived.  Huh.  This ought to be interesting.