Two More

A couple more in the last hour:

Be good to yourself. Dessert three times per week is OK. - seriously? Only three times a week? Ridiculous.

Listen attentively. You will come out ahead in the coming week. - 'cause I'm behind now? Did I enter a race? Or is this going back to the Lottery thing?

Wait! I see it now! A hot loan officer for the bank holding my car loan is going to have a torrid affair with me and write off the balance of my barely-paid car payments, putting me out of debt.

Mmm... torrid affair...