In the spirit of the season

Coping with yesterday

Soooo... we've got a mentally-unstable man-child with access to nuclear codes in 2017. With him is a very red House of Representatives and a pretty damn red Senate.

Bad time to be in the United States as a woman or have any color to your skin.

On the plus side: California has legalized recreational marijuana. That ought to take the edge off. I certainly plan to work on my alcohol-abuse skills in the coming months and years.

If we're really lucky, SMOD could come along any day and make it quick.

And there's always Cthulhu. Surely the stars are right already. At this point, Lovecraftian horror is looking pretty goddamn good.

The Very Hungry Cthulupillar

Ia Ia Cthulhu fhtagn!

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

Also: a happy celebration of the spawning forth of the demi-lich known as "Mackie". We who continue to exist in another corner of reality also celebrate the dark shadow you cast across reality. A toast of something appropriately dark shall be made before the stars fall out of alignment.

Mass Hysteria

I'm plunging into the late 20th century at a breakneck pace! Hell, I'm skirting the edges of the 21st century now!

Not only do I finally break down and get a wireless router but now I've broken down and gotten a smartphone.

It's nothing fancy, mind you. I don't even think it has a proper brand name. Still, it's light-years more sophisticated and workable than my old cell, which I've finally just retired.

Crazy times, I tell you.

Yep. Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria!

I know the answer

Shoggoth.

A Marriage Made in R'yleh

ThinkGeek now sells Cthulhu Tiki Mugs.

This is a moment that was meant to be.

Oh, it won't be as awesome as when I got mine from the Kickstarter. I love how Byakhee and Dimensional Shamblers were used to do the actual delivery. I'm a huge fan of how it makes the shadows in my apartment even darker. And I love the odd, eldritch glow that seems to emanate from my refrigerator (though that may be unrelated to the Great Old Ones and simply be due to leftovers).

Ia Ia Mai Tais F'tagn!!!

Best. Advice. Ever.

Today's "Worst Case Scenario" calendar offers a tip I feel all of us should pay heed:

How to Survive If There Are Children in Your Corn

1. Cull.
   Widen your rows so that the children are more visible as they wander among the corn.
   
2. Spray.
   Liberally hose the cornfield with holy water, which has a proven effectiveness against demon children.
   
3. Fence the perimeter.
   Enclose the perimeter of the field with barbed-wire fencing, topped with crosses to repulse further infestation.
   
4. Raze the fields.
   Burn the existing stalks and let the field lie fallow for a season. When replanting, rotate the crop of corn with soybeans instead; resume planting corn the following season.
   
5. Flee.
   If children reappear when you next grow corn, immediately abandon your field, your home, and your town, leaving behind half-drunk cups of coffee, open magazines, and tumbleweeds slowly spinning through the dusty streets.
   

My own editorial to this important advice: substititue your own symbols of faith, as needed. The soybeans really ought to drive out most demonic infestations. Demon kids hate soy. You might consider liberally adding in some broccoli as well.

Sunday Musings

It always amazes me when I have neighbors who feel a need to pretty much shout their personal conversations when talking on the phone.

Seems to me, you'd want to at least close your window if you're shouting out your personal shortcomings (no pun intended) to your girlfriend over a phone or teleconference.

I suppose when I get irritated enough, I'll let me neighbor know what I've recorded so far in notes, but I'm kind of hoping to get PINs or something really juicy. Maybe his wireless password or something will get yelled out.

He does seem that stupid...

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Target has "de-junked" candy (candy without corn syrup). In getting snacks for yesterday's game, I got some of their faux-M&Ms and faux-Milky Ways.

Better than the real thing! Amazing how different things taste without corn syrup.

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I still haven't baptized my Cthulhu tiki mug. I feel sad.

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Gong Hay Fat Choy, by the way. Happy Year of the Snake and all that.

Welcome Horror

22 December 2012

Craving sustenance and a pint of something to fortify the blood against the nameless horrors of the season, I stepped out to the local pub for a pint or two and a bite.

Upon returning to my abode, I found a strange box by my front door. Curious, I took the parcel within as I returned via my unlit hallway. I felt quite inquisitive as to how the parcel arrived on my doorstep. Did the locked doors of my building fail to stop the normal street traffic?

I set my various belongings aside, cast my umbrella to its place in my coat-rack, and opened the parcel.


From within compact packing materials, this sinister countenance was buried. It stares forth at me with a baleful presence demanding sacrifices of rum and juices mixed together in a proper manner so as to satisfy a dark and endless thirst that sets a mortal mind to a gibbering madness.

I set this strange idol aside as I investigated the parcel further. I am not certain where the strange appendage that emerges from the vessel came, but I choose not to acknowledge such for fear of my own sanity.

More was discovered within:


Memory tickles at the mind. It barely overcomes a near-mindless thirst that is all-consuming.

I fear there is more from whence this eldritch vessel came.

Perhaps the Mayans were not so incorrect as we were led to believe...

So....

Looks like the world is still here.

As far as I can tell, Australia, Japan, China, all those folks on that end of the International Dateline are still here.

So the lesson here is not to let folks on the same wavelength as Harold Camping twist stuff into hysteria, eh?

Unless you find that stuff amusing. If that's the case, carry on!

Lovecraftian Holiday Songs

Ia Ia Solstice F'tagn.

Great Moments

Driving to work coated in zombie makeup (or am I...?) and always having someone next to me when I stop at a stop light. And seeing them do a double-take out of the corner of my eye.

Or is it my eye?

Braaaaaaaaaains.....

The Spirit of the Holidaze