The Rules

For the uninitiated, table-top role-playing games resemble nothing more than a bunch of hygienically-and-socially-challenged mouth-breathers gathered around a table to stuff their faces with junk food and argue the arcane points of Tolkien-inspired fanservice.

There's certainly plenty of examples to support this view, but it's not really all that accurate. For example, most of my personal gaming group is comfortably and happily married. Of the ones who aren't, about half are machines on the dating scene.

Everyone bathes regularly (thank the gods). Nobody mouth-breathes to my knowledge.

Okay, we eat junk food, but really we're not much different than a bunch of guys who get together to watch football or play poker, save that sometimes the word "Elf" comes up in conversation a lot.

It dawned on me fairly recently that I've actually been running ("game mastering" or "GM-ing" in the parlance) for about twenty years now, give or take a few years.

Kind of a creepy realization. And in this ridiculous amount of time doing this bizarre hobby, I've found I have a number of rules I follow when dealing with games.

Rule One: Players never do what I expect.

Rule Two: Double-tap. No wait. Wrong list.

Rule Two: You do not talk about... noooo... still wrong. Hang on.

Aah.. got it. Rule Two: Players are their own worst enemy. See Rule One.

Rule Three: Keep plot points flexible and, where possible, not inter-dependent. See Rule One.

Rule Four: Have more NPCs (non-player characters... "redshirts"... background faces... call them what you will) handy than you'll ever need. See Rule One.

Rule Five: Be flexible. See Rule One.

Rule Six: Try to devour appropriate media before running a game to keep inspiration fresh in your head. See Rules One and Five.

Rule Seven: Know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em. See above rules.

It's not an inclusive list, mind you, but it sort of encapsulates my view on running tabletop games. It's sort of like ad-hoc, cooperative, creative writing on-the-fly.

Wow, that statement completely got away from me.

It's a maddening hobby, and I wouldn't have it any other way.